Dancing in a Minefield
by Lily Turwaithiel
Summary: Edward and Bella in 1918. Historically accurate and ALL HUMAN. But only for a while...Edward's human life with Bella thrown in. How will that change things? And what will happen to Bella when Edward gets sick? Will she know about Carlisle like his mom did
1. Do You Realize?

**A/N: Okay, so basically, I hate historically inaccurate 1918 stories with Edward and Bella. So I wrote my own. Funny story how this story came to be. You see, I was sitting in 19th and 20th World History class. This chapter we're learning about World War I, and the movie I was watching...you guessed it. The 1918 Influenza.  
I swear I sat up so straight and actually paid attention when I heard that date and word together in the same sentence. Hehe, every girl in that class was watching the movie searching for Edward and Carlisle.  
So anyways, this is Edward's life, or at least what I percieve it to be, while he was human. Except I added Bella.  
Now this is the first, besides the Suffering, that I have done Edward's POV, so if I suck at it, tell me. I'll do Bella from then on.  
Next chapter though WILL be from Bella's POV.  
This chapter's influence: Do You Realize? by The Flaming Lips.  
The entire stories influence: Dancing in a Minefield by Plushgun. (althought loosely influenced.)  
I own nothing!! --Disclaimer. **

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Chapter one: Do You Realize??

I stood on my tiptoes to see over the crowd in front of me. The sound of marching soldiers came to my ears and I shoved my way more urgently through the crowd gathered on the sidewalks. Soldiers were coming home from war. The forest green hats were starting to come in sight over the heads of the crowd and I heard my name being called. Mother was waving her hand at me in the front of the people.

"Edward!"

I waved back and maneuvered my way politely through the throngs of people welcoming the soldiers home. Mother moved over to make room for me. As she shifted over she revealed Isabella standing next to her, clapping and cheering for the soldiers with the rest of the people. I smiled and stepped next to my best friend, wrapping my arm around her shoulder.

Her head turned up and smiled at me before going back to cheering.

Mother leaned over to my ear, talking so that I could hear her over the applauding crowd. "You see Edward? The war is practically over!" she said. "There's no need for you to go at all!" I forced myself to smile at her and nod.

Bella nudged me in the side and smiled apologetically, like it was her fault Mother didn't understand. I shook my head, grinning at her and cheered with Bella and the crowd as the last of the soldiers marched past us. Bella didn't understand either; I knew she was just trying to make me feel better.

My entire family didn't understand my need to go to war. Well, my father probably, but my mother certainly not.

All I have ever dreamed of is going off to war and serving my country. The cruel things the Central Powers had done, our ships they had blown up, The _Lusitania_, and the neutral countries they had ignored and warred through all needed to be avenged. When the draft came out I waited and waited for my draft letter to come so that I could be shipped out to war with my friends. But when the time came and the soldiers came for recruitments, I wasn't the one that they took with them.

I remember the day clearly. It was one of the worst days ever, next to the day that I thought Bella was moving away for good.

Two soldiers knocked hard on our doors…

_I pulled open the door and peeked around it. Two soldiers were waiting behind it. My excitement grew and I threw open the doors welcoming them in._

"_Where's your father, son?" the first one asked._

_I looked at him confused for a second. Why would they need my father he's only thirty-seven. But I hurriedly complied not wanting to disappoint them before I was officially drafted. Bad impressions and all that._

"_Dad," I called through his office door, "There are some soldiers here to see you…"_

_The door was thrown open quickly and Dad looked slightly startled. He quickly composed himself and clapped me on the shoulder before striding towards the front hall. I followed after him quickly._

_By the time I got there I had missed what the soldiers had told Dad, but I saw his face and heard what he said._

"_You're drafting me? But I'm only a lawyer. I have no experience. I need to stay here and take care of my wife and son."_

"_I know, sir, but we all need to do our part," the second soldier said._

_Dad nodded his understanding, but I couldn't possibly leave it at that._

"_Sir?" I asked hesitantly. "What about me?"_

_The soldiers looked at me, appraising me with their eyes. Trying to measure up my age._

"_Your age, son?"_

"_Seventeen," I said with my head held high, trying to make myself look older than I said. For once I wished my father wasn't right next to me. I could have lied about my age, but Dad would never have allowed it._

_The soldier smiled at my attempt and I bristled at the way he looked at me like I was a five-year-old. "I'm sorry, but the draft is for 18 through 40 year olds. Not for young boys like you," he said._

"_Your mother might need you here anyways, son," the second soldier said. "What's your name?"_

"_Edward Masen, sir," I answered._

"_Well Edward Masen. I'll keep an eye out for you next year if this crazy war is still going on. You'll make a fine soldier one day."_

_Dad put his hand on my shoulder and looked down at me proudly, but sadly. The soldiers handed him an envelope of information and he showed them out of the house._

I was thrown out of the past in my head by Bella shouting in my ear. "Edward! Edward, look! Your father, he's home!"

I looked out at the marching soldiers, searching for my father's familiar face. I found him marching in the middle of the last section. He was looking discreetly in the crowds for us as well. "Dad!" I called out, waving my hand. Bella jumped and screamed 'Mr. Masen.' I smiled thinking of how she treated Dad like her own since her parents divorced.

Mother was calling out to him as well. He looked over at us, smiled greatly and whispered something in the man's ear next to him.

Next thing I knew he was running for us, abandoning the soldiers marching in order on the streets, and calling our names. "Elizabeth, Junior, Bella!" All hell broke loss then. Other soldiers saw Dad running towards and they looked into the crowds searching for their own families running towards them and yelling their names.

Dad ran to us, dropping his bag on the curb and gathering his wife in a huge bear hug. When he kissed her I looked away pointedly, but Bella giggled at me and sighed at my parents. I knew she was playing around with me so I poked her side, tickling her. She laughed and slapped my hand away.

"Junior!" he yelled, grabbing me for a hug. I cringed at that nickname. Bella grinned at my face. Dad pulled back and smiled, shaking my hand. "Guess they didn't need me much after all, huh Junior?" Dad ruffled my hair and I groaned. I ran my hands through it trying to desperately make it look normal again. Typical Dad. "I was barely gone half a year!"

"It's good to have you home Dad," I said, not wanting to show my disappointment of the war not lasting long enough until I could join.

He turned to Bella then, gathering his self-proclaimed daughter in his arms. "Bella! It's so good to see you! You've grown so much since I last saw you. You and Edward both!"

She smiled and squeezed him back. "It's nice to see you too Daddy," she said, pulling back and teasing him with her nickname for him.

He laughed. "Well I hope Elizabeth hasn't been taking your friendliness to an advantage," he said as he wrapped his arm around Mother. I smiled and picked up his forgotten bag off the street slinging it over my shoulder and slipping Bella's arm through mine. We started walking through the crowd back to our home.

Mother slapped Dad's arm playfully and Bella laughed. "No, she hasn't."

"Actually," Mother said, "Bella's been too much of a help. I barely have had to work. She does the housework _and _keeps Edward off my back." I frowned and Bella giggled.

"I only tried to help, Elizabeth," Bella said. Mother patted her hand and kissed her forehead, smiling in thanks.

As we walked through the crowds I saw many families rejoicing with their sons and husbands. I saw my friends from school hugging their mothers and girlfriends. And I saw husbands hugging their wives. But, I also saw many families weeping for theirs who had not come from the group in the street. Dad would pass by some weeping women and families, whispering in their ears something. They smiled at him saying 'Bless you,' and would go back to their families to tell them what they were told.

"Dad?" I asked after he stopped at our weeping neighbor, Mrs. Collin.

He looked at me and smiled. "Not everyone was sent back, son. There's a lot of cleaning up to do."

I nodded and stopped, sliding the bag off my shoulder and handing it to Dad. "I should get Bella back home. It's late."

Dad and Mother hugged Bella good-bye and made her promise to come to dinner tomorrow night. She accepted, like she always would and said good night.

* * *

I walked with her down the darkening empty streets of twilight to her house. The silence around us was comfortable. I've known Bella Swan all my life. All through childhood and school we've always been the best of friends. Lately we haven't felt the need to talk. We could always tell what the other was thinking and feeling just by the silence.

But lately I've also felt something different. I wasn't sure what it was, but whenever I was around Bella I couldn't help but want to be closer to her.

My parents both told me that this would happen one day. In fact, they encouraged it, hoped for it. They loved Bella like their own daughter.

We stopped at Bella's front door on her porch.

"I'm glad your father's home, Edward," she said. I knew she meant what she said, but I also could hear the other reason in her voice. She was happy I didn't have to go to war as well.

I smiled and kissed her cheek. She blushed red deeply. "I know you are Bella."

"Good night Edward."

"Good night, my Bella," I whispered as she turned towards the door and went inside.

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**A/N: Please review, once again tell me if I suck at Edward's POV, I won't get offended, trust me I know I suck. I'm so much better at Bella's but this chapter had to be told in Edward's.**


	2. Interlude

**A/N: Basically this is a filler chapter except for the end, where something important happens. I'm sorry if this is really short for you, I normally write 6 pages but I just don't have time at all. And also I apologize for any non-historically accurate culture things on here; my history book is at school because I don't have homework in it for once! (Cheers!) I'm also too lazy to search Chicago 1918…it gives me nothing useful anyways. But, alas! I live in Chicago (chyes!) and I know a lot of stuff about it.**

**Oh and Bella calls Mrs. Mason- Elizabeth because it's basically the same relationship as her and Esme, but she calls Mr. Mason…Mr. Mason…because he has the same name as Edward and its confusing to her, plus he doesn't want to be called Senior…nobody does I think D**

**The first song was Knights of Cydonia, but then I changed it too Interlude, both by Muse.**

**Enjoy!**

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Chapter 2 – Interlude

Bella's POV

I couldn't help but find Edward's depression contagious.

Don't get me wrong, Edward was extremely happy to see his father again. Elizabeth and Mr. Mason were always smiling and happy, calling Edward Junior again because they had an excuse too. And I was over almost every day visiting my second family, rejoicing in the fact that my "father" was home again.

But, Edward wouldn't stop looking like it was the end of the world when Elizabeth and Mr. Mason were not around. I knew his reason why; the fighting was done. They no longer needed his help in the war, and that brought him down beyond belief. He was constantly asking Mr. Mason about the war; what it was like, what the battle fronts looked like, asking if he could see his machine gun- the newest terrible invention of the war.

Mr. Mason would frown every time, I'm sure not wanting to talk about it, but Edward never stopped.

I cringed mentally every time he brought it up and every time that gun was brought out of hiding.

It's been ten days since Mr. Mason came home. I've finally decided that I can't take Edward's mood anymore. I had to bring him out of it.

My opportunity came one day after I finished helping Elizabeth with dishes for dinner. I've been eating over almost every day this week.

I walked over to him, sitting myself down next to him on the porch steps, watching children play in the last sunrays before it set for the night. I pulled my coat closer around me against the bitter Chicago wind, despite the summer heat. Edward turned his head towards me and smiled before turning back to the street.

"Edward…" I said, not knowing how to start.

"The war is over, Bella," he said quietly, not wanting his parents to hear. "What am I supposed to do now?"

I sighed. I didn't _want_ him ever to go to war, but I couldn't sit here and let my best friend wallow in grief that I could potentially fix. "The war isn't over, Edward, just the fighting…" I drifted off at the end, knowing how dumb my attempt sounded.

He chuckled, noticing my terrible try. "Nice try, Bella."

I sighed again, trying a different tactic. "I know that you want to go to war. I know that that has always been a dream of yours and I know you just want to do your part. But your part is to _stay here._"

He shook his head, but I started again before he could respond again.

"You're too young. No! Don't start. You are too young. Even eighteen is too young and we always knew that America wouldn't be in that war for very long. We all knew that the government was taking their time.

"But besides all that, do you remember when my parents split apart?"

He nodded and I heard him murmur. "You almost left me." Of course, Edward remembered it for a different reason: when we all thought Renee was going to move from Chicago with me. In the end it was Charlie that left first.

I nodded. "Remember how you felt when I told you that it was a good chance I could be leaving? Remember what you told me that day?"

He sighed. "I felt terrible. I felt like my reason to wake up each morning could disappear one day without me knowing." He paused, looking me in the face for the first time since I started talking. "I told you 'don't you dare ever leave me, or I will follow.'"

I nodded silently. "I would have followed," I whispered.

He looked at me sharply. "You never would have made it on the ship," he snapped. His eyes flashed angrily at the notion of me being close to a battle.

I shook my head. "One way or another I would have found a way to you." I grinned playfully. "Even if it meant dressing up like a man."

He frowned at me. "Not a joke, Bella."

I frowned right back at him. "Point being," I said. And maybe a little too sharply because he cringed at me tone. "I would have felt the same as you did. And possibly worse. At least _you_ would have known that I was alive. I would never have known if you were."

He smiled and wrapped his arm around my shoulders again. "I would have written to you Bella. You're my best friend, and it's not like I have a…_sweetheart_," he cringed at his mother's term, "to write to."

"You can't write in the middle of a battle Edward."

"One way or another I would have found a way," he quoted me. He squeezed me closer, pushing the friendship limits, and my stomach flipped. "I get what you're saying Bella. The war is over. I'll stop being so morose. There could be a next time anyways."

I ignored that comment, and the spasms of my stomach, just like I ignored the jibe about a sweetheart.

Edward and I had been friends since last I could remember, ever since we were toddlers together. But lately I've been growing more anxious around him. Whenever he put his arm around my shoulders, which was normal for us, or he complimented me in the gentlemanly manner he inherited from his father, I always got butterflies in my stomach.

I don't know if it's my new found feelings for Edward, which I wasn't exactly sure yet what they were, but he seemed to be pulling me closer each day as well.

But I really wish he wouldn't affect me like that after a meal. Getting sick in front of Edward just because he caused me to become nervous would be highly embarrassing. Tripping of air wasn't enough, but this too?

A wheezing cough sounded behind us and Edward dropped his arms from my shoulders to turn to the screen door. I breathed a mental sigh of relief and felt my stomach settle and my shoulders feel colder, missing the warmth.

"Dad?" Edward asked.

I turned around too. Mr. Masen was leaning against the inside of the screen door, his hand over his mouth.

"I was just coming to say that it's time to get Bella home. I know how wound up you to get in your own little world. She would never go home if I didn't remind you two," he said, his eyes twinkling in mirth. I laughed quietly with him.

"Are you okay, Dad?" Edward asked. Mr. Masen was doubled over coughing again.

When he could talk again and get back he waved Edward's question off. "It's just the dramatic change in weather getting to me. Nothing to worry about Junior. Europe is quite different from Chicago." He smiled at the two of us. "Get Bella home now."

Edward stood up and offered his hand to me, helping me up as well. I smoothed down my skirt and turned to Mr. Masen. "Good-bye, Mr. Masen. See you tomorrow."

"I wouldn't doubt it," he laughed.

Edward chuckled and I smiled at the both of them. They were so similar it was shocking.

* * *

When we got to my door it was pitch dark and I knew it was way past curfew for anyone to be out on the streets.

"You can get back home without any trouble right?" I asked Edward.

He laughed. It was the seventh time I asked now. "I'll be fine Bella."

"I just feel so bad. I should have paid attention to the time better."

"Bella, I'm glad you didn't. You wouldn't have had time to make me see reason. Besides," he grinned, "I would gladly risk curfew to spend time with you."

My face grew bright red in the dark.

"There's the blush I missed," he whispered. His eyes sparkled in the streetlights. "Can you make it inside okay?"

I huffed. "If you're referring to the fact that I can't walk over a flat surface, then yes I can make it over the threshold just fine."

He chuckled. "I'm worried about the rest of the way to your bed."

I blushed again. "Go home, Edward."

He bowed. "As you wish, milady."

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I awoke not ten minutes later to a pounding on my front door. I bolted out of bed and rushed to it, peeking through the side windows.

Edward's frantic face was shining in the porch light. I threw open the door. "Edward? What happened?"

"Bella, you have to come quick. Dad has fallen sick. He's in the hospital right now. Dr. Cullen says it's the Influenza!"

I grabbed my coat and bolted.

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**A/N: Aha! So something big has happened. Who knew? Well, me, but that's it really. Carlisle has...semi-been introduced too!**

**Review please!**


	3. Transatlanticism

Chapter 3 – Transatlanticism

Edward's POV

Dr. Cullen was hovering all over my father. He and the nurses took Dad's temperature, gave him medicine, and knocked him out so he could rest for the night.

Running all the way here with Bella on my tail had been excruciating. It wasn't the first time I wished my family bought a car. We could have been there so much faster than that.

Bella burst in the hospital doors ahead of me and bolted straight for Mother sitting by Dad's bed. I caught the door before it swung closed, shocking the nurse standing by it all over again. I saw Bella and Mother waving their arms frantically at each other whispering worriedly.

I finally caught up to them and wrapped Bella in a hug, just like I did to Mother when we first got here, and whispered that Dad would be okay. She sobbed in my jacket, her entire frame shaking. I knew Bella didn't want to lose another father.

"Carlisle said that he's okay for now," I told her.

"For now, Edward. How long is 'for now' going to last?" she asked frantically.

I sighed, not answering. I didn't know the answer. I was just as worried as her.

Dr. Cullen came over to us then, handing a clipboard to a nurse who scurried away to the next helpless patient. "You all should go home," he said. "We don't want all of you getting sick. We need to keep Mr. Masen here however."

Bella, sniffing sadly, asked if Dad was going to be okay and pull through. Carlisle smiled sadly at her. "I can't tell you that for sure yet. We need to see how he is here for awhile," he said, honestly. That's why I like about Dr. Cullen. He was always honest.

* * *

I led Bella and Mother out of the hospital doors. Volunteers were standing on the outside of the doors handing out pamphlets of how to avoid getting the flu. Mother was handed one and scoffed right away. She dropped it to the grass without looking back.

"Stuff salt up your nose? That doesn't do anything but turn your nose as red as Bella's blush."

Right on cue Bella blushed and followed behind Mother slowly next to me. Her tears had stopped, but even in the dark of the night I could see they were threatening to come back. I squeezed her shoulders and smiled down at her, trying to make her look happy again. She didn't even look up at me.

I wanted to be able to tell her that Dad would survive through this, that she wouldn't lose another beloved father. I wanted to be able to make my angel smile again. But I couldn't lie to her. I had no proof that Dad was going to make it okay. I haven't heard of anyone surviving this influenza. And the hospital? It was so packed of sick people that they had to use the community center to stick more beds and people in.

I didn't want to admit it, but I don't think Dad is coming out of this. I would hold on to any hope though. For Bella.

"You and Elizabeth are going to be next Edward…" Bella whispered. I looked down at her, away from Mother who was stomping home in front of us. I knew I probably should be up there with her, trying to console her. Her husband was dying, but Bella needed me right now. I could deal with Mother at home. Anyways, no one bothers Elizabeth when she's in this mood.

"What do you mean?" I asked, shocked. "They say people our age won't get sick easily." It was true. They said they've barely seen anyone in the hospitals between the ages 15 and 34.

"Elizabeth?" she asked, looking at me knowingly. Mother was definitely not thirty-four anymore.

I swallowed heavily and closed my eyes, sighing. I opened them and prepared to lie to Bella for the first time in my life. "She won't get sick," I said as assuring as I could. "No one and nothing stops Elizabeth when she's determined." I tried to make the lie sound as true as possible. Bella looked appeased for now, but I knew she wouldn't let it rest.

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I walked Bella back home, making sure she was safely in bed and not in trouble with Renee for running out before I ran home to Mother. When I opened the door she was asleep on the couch. I shook her shoulder, the lamp in my hand lighting her face, showing them to be red and puffy from crying. I sighed and shook her shoulder again.

"Mother," I whispered. Her eyes flickered open groggily. "Get to a real bed."

She nodded and stood up, patting my cheek affectionately. "Everything will okay for you and Bella. Dr. Cullen will make sure of it, I assure you."

And then she was gone to her room.

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**A/N: Wow, I told you all I was bad at keeping up with multi-chaptered stories. So I felt really bad because the other day I got an email from RLN Tonks (I thin thats the name). It was a review and a story alert...and I was like: Crap. People are still reviewing and story alerting. And she guessed my plot for the next chapter after this one, so I felt that I might as well put a new chapter one up as a reward. **

**I'm sorry it's so short, I'm working on the next chapter as we speak and I promise you it will be at least 5 pages. Oh, the song is Transatlanicism by Death Cab for Cutie. (Amazing in concert!) I used to hate this song but now I love it!**

**Please Review!**


	4. Sing for Absolution

Chapter 4 – Sing for Absolution

Edward's POV

Waking up I rolled over and squinted at the clock on the wall. My eyes shot open and I sat up straight. Eleven o'clock?! Why didn't my father wake me up earlier? Last night's events rushed to me and I sank back onto my pillow in despair. That's right. Dad is in the hospital. Sick with the flu.

I sighed and swung my legs over the bed, getting up and dressing. I threw water on my face and brushed a comb through my untimely hair before going out into the kitchen. I hope Mother had eaten something. I could cook for her if she hasn't, but I hope she isn't that down.

Walking out into the kitchen I swayed slightly and tripped over my own two feet, catching myself before I fell to the ground. Chuckling to myself and standing up right, I went to the cupboard. "I think I hang out with Bella too much," I said to no one. Stopping with one hand on the cupboard door, I frowned. I knew that was wrong. I could never hang out with Bella too much. I could _never_ see Bella too much. She was my light to another dreary day in Chicago. I would never be able to go on without her if she wasn't with me.

I got a fluttering in my stomach just thinking about her and my palms grew sweaty. My heart lifted at every sight of her and I knew now that as much as I wanted to go to war I would never be able to leave her here without me. Just knowing the pain she would be going through and the pain I would be going through would have been too much for me. Dad was right when he told me not to go to war.

"_I know you, son. You would never be able to leave Bella here to fend for herself. You care for her too much, even when she can take care of herself." He laughed out loud to me. "You probably would have lost an arm purposely just to get sent back to her."_

I sighed. It was true. I probably would have.

Finally opening the cupboard and grabbing some bread, I walked over to the counter. I slathered my bread in butter and walked out to the hallway, finding Mother who had seemingly disappeared. "Mother?" I called in between bites. "Mother? Where are you?" I knocked on her bedroom door. "Mother?" I called quietly, just in case she was still sleeping. I thought that highly unlikely, but she was so upset yesterday that last night's events could have wore her out.

No answer. I frowned worried and slowly opened the door, peeking my head inside. "Mother?" I called. Lying in her bed was Mother, still sleeping. I walked into the room and closed the door behind me before creeping over to her bed. I shook her shoulder gently, calling for her to wake up. She rolled over and faced me. Her eyes opened her groggily.

"Edward? What time is it?" she asked.

"It's about eleven fifteen by know."

She shot up and smoothed down her hair, jumping out of bed. "Oh my. I need to get up. I have so much to do! Oh, if Bella doesn't mind I hope she helps. Why didn't you wake me up earlier? Oh, of course, your father always wakes…you…oh." She slowly sat back down on the bed. "Oh."

I sat down next to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "It'll be alright Mother," I said comfortingly. "If it helps I'll call on Bella. She'll be happy to help you Mother. You know she always is. Just don't work her to hard." I smiled at her trying to lighten up the mood.

She returned my smile, getting up, and shooing my out the door. "Yes, yes, you're right. Now, I need to get dressed. So out!"

I laughed and was pushed out the door. I walked to the front hall, grabbing my sweater from the back of the hall chair and walked out to the cloudy Chicago air. Sighing happily at the city I loved and the optimistic feelings Mother left me with, I started walking towards Bella's house. Anticipation at seeing her beautiful face was hot in my veins and I walked faster than before. I couldn't wait to see Bella, and hug her, and…

I slowed my walk down. This fire in my veins, this anticipation. I've never felt anything like it before. It had always been there I knew that, but always on a much lower key.

And suddenly, like an epiphany, I knew. I love Bella Swan.

I fell down onto the bench on the side of the sidewalk and buried my face in my hands. How could I go to Bella's now? How could I face her and know that I now love my best friend, that I probably always had? There was no way she felt the same way. I groaned. What have I done? I've ruined the greatest friendship that I ever had.

"Edward?"

I spread my fingers and looked through them. Carlisle Cullen stood in front of me, looking at me with great concern. I stood up quickly. "Dr. Cullen."

"Are you feeling okay, Edward? Do you want me to give you a check up?" he asked. He probably thinks I caught the flu from Dad.

I shook my head. "No, thank you Carlisle, but I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yes, I- I just had an epiphany I guess…" I said. I shut my mouth fast. What is it about Dr. Cullen that makes me want to tell him everything that's on my mind?

He looked at me knowingly. _No, _I thought in anguish. _He knows I love Bella. I can see it in his eyes. He knew before I did even._

"Hm…I see. Well, tell Miss Bella that I say hello." He said. I nodded and made to walk away. "Oh, and Edward?"

I turned and looked at him.

"Don't hesitate to tell her."

And he walked away humming quietly to himself. I knew he didn't mean to tell her he said hello, too.

I sighed and shoved my hands in my pockets. I really hope I don't ruin everything. She can't possibly find out…

No, I haven't ruined anything. Not yet at least. I just won't tell her. She'll never know then. It will be like it always was. Just because _I_ know that I love her doesn't mean she will know and doesn't mean she will become quiet and shy and awkward around me, like she is with other men that try to court her. She doesn't believe it, but she is too beautiful for her own good. Already she's had many men who have tried to win her heart and three men ask for her hand without even a first date.

I kicked a rock harshly with a flare of jealous. There was no way I would be able to look at that now.

* * *

I walked up her stone porch steps and knocked on the door. I heard the running of steps and a slight stumble before Bella tugged the door open with a bright smile on her face. Wisps of hair fell out of her ponytail and her sweater hung half off her shoulder revealing just the tiniest bit of shoulder.

I held back a gasp and my face flushed for probably the first time ever as bad as Bella.

There was no possibly way I would be able to be just friends with Bella now.

"Edward! I was waiting all morning for you to come by. When did you wake up? Noon?" she said, excitedly. "Oh, I should help Elizabeth! And how is your Dad?" She opened the door for me and I stepped into her house.

"It's good to see you to Bella," I said, laughing. There. That was not so bad. That was even normal. I can do this. "I woke at eleven, thank you. And my dad is the same as last night."

She smiled. "Of course. He usually is the one that wakes you up at ungodly hours."

"Yes," I laughed.

Just then Renee walked down to the front hall. "Oh, Edward, is that you?" she called.

"Yes. It's nice to see you Renee," I said.

"It's been awhile hasn't it?"

I nodded.

"Well, you to have fun. Don't let Elizabeth work you to hard, dear," she said. Bella whined at her mother to stop. I chuckled. "Oh and I'm sorry to hear about your father Edward."

"Mother! He's not dead," Bella hissed.

"I still must be hard Bella. I am simply being polite."

"Isn't something burning…again," Bella said.

"Oh no!" Renee ran out of the room and to the kitchen.

* * *

Bella and I walked slowly down the sidewalk, enjoying each other's presence and the nice air, despite how cloudy of a day it was. I nervously wrung my hands together, running them through my already messy hair too many times. I could tell Bella was trying to figure out was going through my head, but when she shrugged to herself I couldn't figure out what she meant.

Did she think I would tell her in time, or that I was just worried about Dad? Bella was always so hard for me to read. It wasn't as easy as it was for everyone else. This frustrated me to no end. If I could just tell if she loved me back, if she felt the same way then I could be happy. But, only she knew what was going on in that head and I doubt it was her feelings for her best friend.

But, if I told her know it would be out there in the open. It would be out there for her to decide if she loved me back or if she didn't. And if she did then we could be happy together. I would be able to be with her and love her more and more each day. But if she decided she didn't I would be devastated, we would be awkward, and it would never be the same again.

I couldn't decide. I didn't know what to do and my head was killing me now.

Out of nowhere my head started pounding with pain, I grew dizzy and I couldn't stand up right. Just as we were passing the bench I had my epiphany at before I grew faint and sick to my stomach. I grabbed my head and made for the bench.

"Edward?" Bella called, panicked. I cringed at the worry in her tone, knowing that I put it there. "Edward, are you okay? Oh God, Edward please don't be sick!" she sat down next to me and grabbed my arm frantically. "Come on. Let's go see Dr. Cullen." She tugged on my arm, trying and failing to get me up from the bench.

I waved her off and pulled her back down on to the bench. "I'm fine Bella. I only some bread and butter today and I slept longer than I normally do. My body is just not used to that."

"Oh Edward. That's crap and you know it!" Bella cried.

I shook my head, but that just made everything worse. I started to fall back lower onto the bench. I closed my eyes against the dizziness and the pain.

"Edward? Edward!" Bella cried.

My vision started growing black and I was losing consciousness. The last thought I could remember was praying to God Bella does not catch the influenza.

* * *

When I came to it was night and I was on an uncomfortable cot. People were groaning all around me and my stomach was still rolling. I looked around trying to get comfortable with my surroundings. I sat up and discovered I was in the same place they put Dad. I was in the community center make-shift hospital. I groaned and sat up fully against my bed.

"Oh Edward. You should lie back down. You need your rest."

I looked to my right and saw Bella sitting in chair by my bedside. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying. My heart tore in two seeing that look on Bella. What did I do to her? I was horrible.

"I'm so sorry Bella," I said.

"It's not your fault that you're sick. Stop blaming yourself like you always do." She wiped her hand across her face, trying to rid the dry and fresh tears from her eyes.

I frowned, but refused to stop blaming myself. I looked all around me, but the two patients beside me were facing away and asleep. I looked back to Bella. She was avoiding my gaze. Something else had to be wrong. I swallowed heavily and hoped my next question would be a good answer.

"Bella?" I asked hesitantly. "Where's Dad?"

Tears fell from her eyes at an alarming rate. She looked down at the floor. "I'm so sorry Edward," she whispered, sobbing at the same time. Her voice was thick with tears. "He's gone. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." She sobbed uncontrollably. I swallowed against my own anguish and pulled on Bella's arm telling her silently to get on the bed with me.

I held her to me and rocked back and forth, rubbing her back. "Shh…Bella. It will be okay."

"Stop saying that Edward," she sobbed. "It won't be okay. Edward…Elizabeth is sick too."

I looked over at the patient next to me who had rolled over. Mother's usual peaceful face as she slept was contorted in pain and dried tears were on her face.

I buried my face in Bella's hair and cried too. No she was right. It wouldn't be okay, not anymore.

* * *

**A/N: I have a Beta...but she went MIA on me. Seriously. It's DeathIsOnlyTheBeginin. So if one of you knows where she is, PM me, 'cause I kinda want to know...Maybe my email is being wierd? shrugs**

**Anyways, I was too impatient to wait for her, so I'm putting it up. I really love this chapter. The song (I think we all know) is Sing for Absolution by Muse. I love Muse. Amazing in concert!**

**Review please! And I'll put the edited chapter up if I find my Beta, it might be different...but the plot won't change.**

**--LT**


	5. What Sarah Said

Chapter 5 – What Sarah Said

Edward's POV

I awoke the next morning to a tear-dried face and Dr. Cullen shaking Bella awake while she laid next to me on the tiny cot. She groaned and got up off of me. I could hear Cullen mumble something to her and she nodded, getting up from the cot and straightening out her skirts. She turned around and knelt down by the bed and brushed my hair from my face. Butterflies exploded excitedly in my stomach and suddenly felt sick. I groaned from the feeling and opened my eyes fully, pretending I had just woken up. Bella smirked at me and I knew she didn't believe my acting.

"I'm going to leave for a few minutes Edward, but I swear I will come back," she said.

I suddenly panicked. She's going to come back? Back here to the hospital full of Spanish Influenza patients? She'll get sick!

"Bella," I said, dread filling me up on the inside. Dread for two reasons: I didn't want her to leave me, but I didn't want her to get sick. "You can't come back here. You'll get sick. I'll be fine, you go back home."

She glared at me. "I'm coming back Edward Anthony Masen. So shut up and listen to Carlisle." With that she turned around and walked determinedly through the make-shift hospital doors.

At the foot of my bed with a clipboard in hand, I heard Carlisle chuckle quietly. My snapped to him and I narrowed my eyes. How could he let Bella stay here in the hospital all night? Every inch of the place was surrounded by Influenza patients.

"Now, now Edward, listen to your girl. I need to give you a quick check up and then we'll be moving you and your mother to a new room that was just put up for use in the _real_ hospital down the road." I swallowed not wanting to think why it was now in use, and ignoring the tease about _my girl_. How I wish. I opened my mouth to protest, but Cullen cut me off. "Don't worry I've already told Bella where you will be."

I shut my mouth as he began my check up, but that's not what I was about to say. As Dr. Cullen fluttered around me doing various checkups, I looked over to the bed next to me. Mother was already up and sitting on her bed staring at nothing in particular. The lost and blank look in her eyes scared me beyond belief. Mother had always been the height of excitement, always buzzing around doing something. Now, seeing her sitting on a hospital cot and staring lost out the window across the room…I couldn't look at her long.

My throat swelled up and I held back the choking sobs that were threatening to fall out of my mouth. _Dad was gone._ My father, my name sake, the one man I could always look up to, and had always been a role model in my life was gone. Dead. And I never got a chance to say goodbye, to say how much he meant to me. How much I really wish I never bothered him with my silly dreams to go to war.

But I couldn't cry. I had to be strong for both Bella and Mother. Neither of them could see how it was affecting me anymore. If I looked confident that I was going to be okay, then Bella and Mother would grow better too.

"How are you feeling, Edward?"

I looked up and met Dr. Cullen's eyes, remembering that he was here still. He looked at me patiently, waiting for my answer to his question. I paused and diagnosed myself. How did I feel? I swallowed painfully and winced, Cullen noted it. My head felt like it was ready to implode and I had the runniest nose ever. I just now realized that I was sniffling constantly and on impulse. All in all, I felt like an Influenza patient and that dampened my day and goals considerably. Now that I was aware of it, I wouldn't be very good at hiding it.

* * *

Lying on my new hospital bed, vaguely noting how much more comfortable it is, I glanced over at my sleeping, sick mother on the second bed in the room. I had to admit, it was nicer to have a room to ourselves.

Bella burst into the room then, stopping suddenly when she noticed Mother sleeping. She tiptoed to my bed quietly and sat down on the chair next to it. She grabbed my hand and held it tightly in both of hers. I smiled down at her reassuringly, but neither of said anything.

After awhile I heard her sigh. My eyes had drifted close and I was trying to be discreet about how bad I was feeling. I opened my eyes and turned to her.

Bella shook her head at me, annoyed. "Stop trying to fake it Edward. I can hear how hard it is for you to breathe. Soon you'll be as bad as Eliz…" She stopped and shut her mouth quickly.

I turned away and glared at the wall.

Yes, Mother was getting worse than me. Already she couldn't stay awake the whole day, while I was struggling to do so in order to not worry Bella. But I couldn't accept that. I couldn't accept any of this. I felt like I was dreaming.

I looked at Bella lovingly while she stared at the floor, her hands still wrapped around mine. I was just beginning to realize the true extent of my feelings for Bella. I was just starting to muster up the courage to tell her; and now _this._ This couldn't be happening. My life could not end like this, when everything was starting to look good.

Dad had come home from the war, Mother was happy again, Bella was completely content with her second father home from war, and I was utterly in love with her.

"Bella," I started.

She looked up sharply at me, hearing the tone in my voice. "Don't start with those lies again, Edward. Don't sugar-coat everything for me! I don't need you protecting me from life. I will worry despite what you say!"

I glowered. She always knew the right words to say to make me mad. "You _do_ need protecting Bella. I will be here to be the one doing the protecting. I'm not going to leave you and neither is Mother."

She looked down at the floor again, attempting to cover her tearing eyes with her hair. "I've already lost one dad Edward. I can't lose you and Elizabeth too." Her voice cracked in the middle.

I frowned and instantly felt guilty. I hadn't known the Influenza had spread all the way to Forks. "Bella I'm sorry. I didn't know Char-"

"Charlie didn't die Edward," she snapped. "Ed was as much a father to me as he was to you. Your entire family means as much to me as Renee and Charlie. _I can't lose you_." She shook her head and sobbed again. "I'm sorry I'm yelling at you. I'm so stressed."

I squeezed her hands in mine. "I'm sorry too. We're both worried."

"You need to sleep," she said. Bella got up and kissed me on the forehead. I felt it burn under lips worse than my fever. "I'll come back tomorrow." She smiled at me and walked to the door. Before she ducked out she looked back at me and tears were falling from her eyes.

I sighed and finally let myself feel the effects of having the Influenza. My entire body burned with fever, my nose ran, I broke out into a cold sweat, and I could barely swallow without groaning in pain. I finally felt that I could pass out any minute and burrowed under the cheap hospital covers, turning on my side.

Mother had tossed and turned randomly in her sleep while Bella was visiting. Now she was facing my bed and I faced hers. She muttered in her fever induced sleep. "Edward…Edward!"

I cringed, only imagining what she could be dreaming to call out my name so desperately. "I'm here Mother. I'm fine."

The worry lines on her forehead didn't disappear. "Edward?...My husband?"

"He's here too Mother. He's fine," I lied. I instantly felt guilty. Lying to Mother about something like that was terrible, but it hurt me to see her in so much pain.

She sighed happily and slept peacefully.

I closed my eyes and let sleep take over. Hopefully tomorrow would be better for both of us. But I was never one to be optimistic.

* * *

Bella's POV

I walked through the hospital doors the next morning after visiting Edward. It was always so busy nowadays. Doctors and nurses ran around everywhere. I tried to side-step them and get out of their way, but I'm afraid my clumsy nature made a couple of them stumble. Not that any of them had a second to spare to register that fact.

When I reached Edward and Elizabeth's door, my heart sank. Nurses were rushing in and out and I could hear Carlisle's authoritative voice issuing desperate orders from inside.

Forgetting the fact that I could trip, I ran full out to the room and inside, shoving some nurses out of the way.

Carlisle looked up at me from working on Elizabeth. "Bella you need to get out for a few minutes," he said, calmly.

Wide-eyed, I shook my head. I glanced between Edward's bed and Elizabeth's. Both looked on the brink of death, but Elizabeth looked worse. I ran over to Edward's bed and clutched his hand. It didn't feel hot with fever anymore, but it was too cold to be healthy. I could hear him struggling to breath and he wouldn't open his eyes no matter how much I called out his name.

I began to sob into his chest. No, he couldn't leave me. I needed him. I needed him so much. I was just beginning to realize that I love him. He couldn't leave me when I hadn't told him yet. I needed to tell him how I felt, how much I was desperately in love with my best friend.

_And it came to me then that every plan is a tiny prayer to father time  
As I stared at my shoes in the ICU that reeked of piss and 409  
And I rationed my breaths as I said to myself that I'd already taken too much today  
As each descending peak on the LCD took you a little farther away from me  
Away from me_

Carlisle came over to me and rubbed my back. His cold hand on my back shocked me and looked up at him.

"Bella, there could be a chance that they will make it, but it's not one hundred percent positive." He smiled at me reassuringly. "Hold on to that chance Bella."

I tried to smile back, but it felt to me like a grimace. I nodded silently and he walked out of the room shooing all the nurses away.

I looked over at Elizabeth. Her face was so drawn and sallow. I let out a tiny sob again. I couldn't lose my second mom too. I loved her just as much.

I crawled up onto the bed with Edward and wrapped my arms around his sleeping form, laying my head on his chest. I cried into his shirt and prayed he would wake up and talk to me. I wanted him to sugar-coat things for me again. I wanted him to tell me it would be okay, that he was going to make it.

_Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines In a place where we only say goodbye  
It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend On a faulty camera in our minds  
But I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose Than to have never lain beside at all  
And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground As the TV entertained itself_

"Bella," a hoarse whisper asked. My head shot up and looked to see Edward smiling at me. I got up off the bed and kissed him in the forehead. I smiled and grasped his hand in both of mine like yesterday.

"Edward! Don't do that again. You scared me!"

"I'll be okay Bella."

I laughed then, my laugh sounding somewhat hysterical. I had got what I wished. He woke up and sugar-coated things for me.

He chuckled with me and reached over with his other hand to stroke my cheek. I smiled and leaned into his touch, closing my eyes. I sighed. "Don't lie now Edward. Are you going to be okay?" I asked, biting my lip.

He sighed as well and dropped his hand, turning away. "No," he said, darkly. I stifled a sob. "Dr. Cullen said he came in last night and I was awake enough to greet him, but then past out right away."

Tears ran down my face as he turned to look at me. I cried again. **It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds.** I would never forget him I knew, but what would happen if those memories grew fuzzy, if a few were suddenly lost and replaced by others. I couldn't lose him. I love him.

"Bella. I know what you are thinking," he said, whispering because that was all his voice was allowed. "I'm not going to leave you. Ever."

I shook my head and closed my eyes tightly. "No, Edward, don't lie when you finally just told me the truth."

"I'm not lying, Bella," he said. I opened my eyes and looked at him. "I'm not going to leave, at least not really. I love you Bella."

My breath caught in my throat. He…I never knew he felt the same way. I always assumed that when I told him I would be putting our friendship on the line.

"Bella?" he whispered, worriedly. I smiled down at him.

But then his eyes closed and heard him groan in pain that had nothing to do with not hearing my answer yet. "Edward? Edward!" He still wouldn't open his eyes and he broke out into a cold sweat. "Carlisle!" I called desperately. He was at the door so fast that he could have been waiting outside.

"What's wrong?" he demanded coming over to Edward's bedside. His hands began expertly examining him.

I grew more panicked by the minute. "I don't know. He was talking and then he just closed his eyes and groaned."

Carlisle reached for the medical table at the foot of Edward's bed and grabbed a syringe. I cringed at the sight of the needle and looked away as he injected Edward. "He's in incredible pain. I gave him some morphine." He shook his head sadly. "I'm sorry Bella. He's not going to make it. Neither of them are."

I nodded, dazed, not quite understanding what he said, and grabbed Edward's hand again. His eyes fluttered, but he never opened them.

Carlisle poked his head out of the door and called for more nurses. Soon there were a flurry of them running in and examining Elizabeth and Edward, trying to make them stable.

Edward opened his eyes and whispered my name. I gripped his hand hard and ignored a nurse trying to get through. I sobbed desperately when I saw how sick he looked.

"Edward," I cried. Nurses were all around me, trying to get me out of the way, but I clawed at Edward's sheets, trying to push them away and get his attention. "Edward, I love you! I love you too! Please don't leave me. Please! I need you!"

"I don't want to go either Bella, **but I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all**," he whispered.

I sobbed as he drifted off into sleep. I sobbed on his chest lying next to him and ignoring the nurses and doctors. "I love you, I love you," I whispered.

I heard Elizabeth wake with a huge gasp and a start. "Save him," I heard her command to Carlisle in a hoarse voice that was all her throat could manage.

"I'll do everything in my power," Carlisle promised her, taking her hand.

"You must," Elizabeth insisted, clutching at his hand with enough strength that I wondered if she would pull through the crisis after all. "You must do everything in _your_ power. What others cannot do, that is what you must do for my Edward."

I was confused by what Elizabeth had said and when I glanced up from Edward's chest, I saw Carlisle looking confused and shock through my still flowing tears.

He looked over at me and his face was a mask of calm and pity again. He came over to me and lifted me easily off of Edward. "Bella I'm sorry, but I need you to go into the waiting room. I've already had someone call Renee. She should be there by now."

I kicked and screamed and clawed at him trying desperately to get back to my Edward. But Carlisle was surprisingly strong and he pulled me out of the room and to the waiting room. I stared at Edward the whole time, at his weak body lying there in bed and I whispered over and over again how much I love him.

_'Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room  
Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news  
And then the nurse comes round and everyone will lift their heads  
But I'm thinking of what Sarah said that "Love is watching someone die"_

I paced around the waiting room as Renee watched from a chair. She had tried desperately before to get me to sit down, but couldn't. Not when my Edward was in there dying. I had to see him again. I had to hold him in my arms and know that he was at least still alive.

I couldn't cry anymore, no matter how much I wanted **because there's no comfort in the waiting room. Just nervous pacers, like me, bracing for bad news. And then the nurse comes round and everyone will **

**lift their heads**, but I knew it wasn't for me. Because I knew where Edward was. All I did was **think of what Sarah, my friend, had said. That "Love is watching someone die"**

I stopped as a nurse walked straight into my line of pacing. I stopped and looked at her. And my heart broke. She shook her head and walked away sadly. I collapsed to the ground as Renee came rushing over pulling me into her arms. I sobbed, my body shaking in her arms.

And only one thought went through my mind then. **So who's going to watch me die?**

* * *

**A/N: Wow, I have no excuse for you guys other than I had huge writer's block. Anyways, this chapter is from What Sarah Said by Death Cab for Cutie. The bolded sentences are lyrics from the actual song.**

**I want to thanks Wanna Bet- the original for also writing an amazing historically accurate story like mine and inspiring me to finish this chapter. You should go read it. I mean come ON! She used the word Nickelodeon! You can't get more accurate than that!**

**And I never do the switch POVs in the middle of a chapter, but it was kinda needed.**

**Hope you enjoy it. Review please!**


	6. Bella

**Long Author's Note at the bottom. Please Read. Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, Bella, Edward, or Jacob, nor do I own any of Death Cab's songs: they only inspire me.**

* * *

**Chapter 6 – Bella… (Cath…)**

**Edward's POV**

It's been a two years since I had last seen Bella. A whole two years since I last saw her beautiful face lighting up in that smile she reserved only for me. That fact hurt me worse than the three days of pain Carlisle had put me through.

At first, when I had woken up to discover what I was, I was upset with him- no furious. How could he make an innocent person into a horrible _monster?_ But, then he explained his reason behind it. My mother had always known things that others had tried to hide. She knew my feelings for Bella, she knew Bella's feelings for me, and she had known about Carlisle and what he truly was. I still didn't agree with him and his reasoning, but it became clearer to me every day. No one could really deny Mother.

I cringed at the past tense. Mother had died. Carlisle didn't save her. There wasn't time. But, I was thankful for that, despite how terrible it sounded. She wasn't a monster like me, but she was with her loving husband now. And that made getting through these sleepless days a little bit better.

I sighed heavily. Seeing Bella, knowing if she was okay would have made it better. I had finally told her that I love her and she was ripped away from me. Then, hearing her voice say it back, but in so much pain made me fight. But my body couldn't take it anymore.

I sighed again and got up to go to Carlisle. I could hear him debating with himself to come and talk to me or not. I decided to make it a little easier for him.

_He's not ready. It's only been two years. But he could do it, I have faith in him. I'll go tell him my idea. But, no, he'll jump on it right away; he won't stop to be cautious…_

"I think you fail to forget that I can hear you from a mile away," I said, smirking and leaning on the doorway to his office.

Apparently, Carlisle had lived somewhere else in Chicago, only coming out at night. But during my change he did the impossible and moved us to a small cabin in the woods outside the city. Every day I could go out safely and hunt on animals instead of murdering people. I'm thankful that Carlisle was the one to change me instead of a different vampire.

The only way I could barely suffer this horrible change that was brought upon me by him was learning that he chose this lifestyle. He chose this lifestyle of preserving precious human life and feeding off animals instead. And the fact that he went further than that and became a doctor…it amazes me. He's my role model, my father.

I miss my real father dearly, but if I could chose anyone to take his place as my role model I would have chosen Carlisle in a heartbeat.

_I guess it's your choice. I should give you the option._

In his mind flashed a memory of Bella, her beautiful face lit up in a smile. She was walking down the street towards my old home. I knew the path well. My dead heart clenched painfully.

"Carlisle?" I asked hopefully. Hopeful because maybe I would be able to see her again, but also, fearfully. Please say that she wasn't sick, she wasn't dying, she wasn't one of us…

The Influenza is over, but I still fear for her. Fate had a way of hurting her. And now I wasn't there to protect her against it…

Carlisle sighed. "It's been two years Edward." Yes two long painful years. I know. I've counted every day. "And you've shown remarkable restraint," he continued. "It's amazing for such a young newborn. I know you have been aching to see Bella again." Yes, aching so much. It hurts more every second I'm away from her. "I thought you would like the option of seeing her again…" he finished.

I smiled maybe the first time in months. I could have hugged Carlisle for all that he was worth. To see my beautiful angel again would be the best gift anyone could ever give me. To hold her in my arms again…

_There are some conditions, Edward…_

Of course. It was too good to be true. My smile slid off my face slowly. She would not be able to see me. I would not get to grin at her and see her smile automatically, unconsciously, respond. To see her blush at the silly grin I would always wear around her…

_You would not be able to let her see you._

"I understand Carlisle. Thanks for the option," I said, nodding my head in gratitude. He has done so much for me. Of course at first I had been furious at what he had done to me, but I now I understand why he had done it. "When can I leave?"

He smiled at me in a fatherly way. "Now, if you like."

I ran to my room with my new found speed and packed some clothes in a bag, coming back to Carlisle in half a minute again. "I'll see you soon," I said, grabbing his hand in a firm shake.

He pushed my arm away and gave me a hug. "I'll be waiting here, son, for your return."

I nodded and then I was out the door, running back to my city.

* * *

The cabin Carlisle had built in the woods was about a hundred miles northwest of the city. As I ran I had to sneak past little villages and towns just beginning to rise. They were random and not strategically placed, but with my ability to…hear other's thoughts…I quickly and swiftly maneuvered my way through them. I would have just gone around them but it was the quickest route to my Bella and I couldn't take any chances slowing myself down.

I hunted often through the forests separating the towns. Sometimes though I grew too thirsty to quickly among all the townspeople and I had to steal a few farm animals from the barns that were often placed in the northwest of Illinois. I was only a newborn. It took years of endurance and training to gain the kind of control Carlisle had, and I couldn't take any chances in the bustling streets of Chicago.

I only traveled through the towns during the night or on cloudy days. Carlisle had shown me once what we looked like in the sun. I didn't want to alarm anyone on my way to the city.

The Spanish Influenza didn't hit these small towns has hard as the city, them being so far away and isolated then how people live in Chicago, but the populations were more scarce then what I had heard them to be when I was a human.

The sky was a cloudy gray and it was getting late. I walked swiftly through the town with my face down and my hood up, ignoring the looks from the townspeople around me. I needed to know how far away I was from Chicago before I lost my mind. I needed to see Bella.

I hid in an alleyway and closed my eyes. I started shifting through people's mind, trying to get a hold of my bearings.

_It's going to rain soon-_

_My wedding in two days! I can't wait-_

_This place is so bleak and boring-_

_I hate my job-_

_The bank is closed. Damn-_

_Cary Trust and Bank. That's the place I needed-_

_I need to get out of Cary-_

Cary. That's the town I was in. From the map I studied a couple of days ago I knew I was only about three hours away on carriage. Two in automobile. Half on foot- my foot.

I smiled and walked swiftly out of the alleyway and ghosted my way into the crowd.

Only a half an hour left...

* * *

I breathed in the smell of my city, ignoring the rush of venom in my mouth, and sighed deeply. I've missed this place. I walked through the dark street, empty streets. I could hardly believe that it had been two years since I'd been here. It seemed so much longer than that. But then again, my days blended together when I couldn't sleep. Everything seemed so much longer.

I knew I could go see my Bella now, but I tried to be patient. I didn't want to see her while she conquered the nightmares of the dark in her sleep. I wanted to see her happy in the daylight. I wanted to see her happy despite what I knew it would do to my heart.

What if she was happy? Was she really happy without me? Could she have told me she loved me only to placate me on my death bed? Did she really love me anymore? Or could she have moved on?

That last question burned a hole in my dead heart. But I knew that if she had…moved on…and was _happy_, truly happy, I would do nothing to stop that.

* * *

I glanced out of an alleyway a corner from Bella's old house. I knew she still lived there because I could hear Renee bumbling in her head about her. None of it made any since, just like I always suspected it wouldn't. It's like listening to a child. I smiled and shook my head at her thoughts.

But what I couldn't hear was Bella's thoughts. The 'voice' that I wanted to hear most in the world and I couldn't. She must have left before I snuck over in the early hours of the morning, ghosting through the crowded streets. I couldn't hear her anywhere nearby. But where would she go? Was she running an errand for Renee?

I crept an alleyway closer, shifting through people's thoughts for any sight of her. Nothing. Where did she go? I just wanted to see her…to hear her. I sighed at the memory of her face and voice…the feel of her in my arms…her precious laugh.

I shook my head. No. I couldn't do that to myself. Only glances and listening. I couldn't let her see me.

But then I heard her name in my head. A male voice. It was just a passing voice in my head, but I looked up from my focus on her window and saw a young man, about seventeen walking up the path to her house. His long black hair was tied back in a ponytail and his skin was extremely tan, looking of Native American decent. He had grown much over the years I've been away, but I would know that voice anywhere, whether in my head or not.

Jacob Black.

I growled under my breath and heard a shocked exclamation in my head. I glanced up from my hiding spot to see the frightened eyes of a little girl. I stared at her pointedly, a burning in my throat from her scent, and she quickly walked away, frightening scenarios in her head about me taking her away. _No little girl, I don't survive that way._ Thank whatever god there was that it wasn't someone who would have recognized me.

Jacob was knocking on the front door. I moved a little closer to the park next to her house, staying behind a tree, and hidden in its shadow. But what happened next surprised me the most. Bella, my Bella, opened the door…and _smiled._ But it wasn't the smile I had dreamed of seeing for the past two years. It was forced. She was holding it on her face like she was required to, like she didn't have the energy to keep it there, but she was too polite to not have it up.

And then I closed my eyes and listened…

And I heard nothing: just empty space where she should be. It was like she didn't even exist, but she was right there. I opened my eyes to check. To make sure I didn't mistake her for Renee. No, I didn't. I couldn't have. Bella has too much Charlie in her.

I tried again, listening hard. But all I could hear was vile Jacob Black spewing his thoughts about how cute Bella looked today. I growled again, quieter this time, but still growled hard. She wasn't _cute_. She was beautiful, stunning, marvelous, and gorgeous. She was Bella and she was so much more than all those descriptions.

I couldn't hear her thoughts at all. I couldn't hear what she was thinking as she greeted Jacob, as she listened to Renee's shouts and invited him in. All I could hear was her beautiful voice agreeing with whatever anyone told her.

It pained me inside, but I contented myself with watching from the park through her window. She looked…content. I sighed as I watched her for the rest of the day. Jacob left about noon, and Bella retreated to her bedroom where she sat at her desk, reading all day. I was dying to know what she was thinking.

But then she glanced out of her window, wide- eyed. She ran to her window and stared out of it, straight at the forest, straight at the tree I was hidden by. I retreated back further into the shadows, despite what my legs were screaming to do. I wanted to run right into her arms. But I stayed back until she shook her head and walked back to her desk, her eyes reddening around the rims.

She didn't come out of her room for the rest of the day.

* * *

I stayed for three weeks, two weeks longer than I had intended to. I knew Carlisle would understand when I got back. But _I_ didn't understand anything. When she was by Jacob she looked so happy, but after he left she would sigh and slowly walk to her room and wouldn't come out until the next morning that he would come. Renee would yell and scream for her to come out and for her to put more effort in her life from outside her room, but Bella would ignore it like she couldn't even hear her. I stayed behind my tree and watched every moment of this.

"Bella come out now! You need to eat! You haven't eaten well in two years!" Renee screamed. I cringed and persuaded her in my head to eat her food. I knew I couldn't get any closer than this. Every night Bella would toss and turn in bed and I would hear mumble in her sleep about pain, about how she hated _him_, and about how everyone leaves her. I didn't know who _him_ was, but I had a theory…I believed it was me. I wanted to leave every time I heard that. I couldn't stand her being mad at me, but I stayed by my tree, I forced myself too. And what came out of Renee's mouth next was why.

"Bella you're marrying Jacob _today!_ You need to eat more or your dress will look baggy!"

Bella groaned and rolled on her side. It was about noon and Jacob hadn't come this morning. She would see him later tonight…at the church. I ground my teeth together and snarled. He doesn't deserve her. He's vile.

"It is a hand-me-down dress Mother," Bella mumbled so Renee wouldn't hear her, but I certainly could. "It doesn't fit me either way." I stifled a chuckle.

* * *

I snuck in the side door of the church at the last minute, leaning against a dark corner in the wall at the back. I know it pains me to be here, to see my Bella do this, but I couldn't bear to be away. I had to see this.

Bella walked down the aisle in an old yellowing-white dress. It didn't do her justice at all. I closed my eyes and imagined the dress I would have gotten for her for the hundredth time since I realized I couldn't be apart from her. I would have paid any amount to get her a better dress. We would have defied Renee together to get whatever dress Bella wanted.

I opened my eyes to see Bella next to Jacob at the altar. I pressed my lips together in a thin line. His hand was on the small of her back and her shoulders were so tense. I longed for the day that I could just lay my hand on her shoulder or arm and she would relax immediately.

Girls all along the pews look up at the two of them jealously, mainly Bella. It was like **she was living someone else's dream.** Whispers from old ladies ran up and down the pew. I listened in on them all as the priest talked about morals and marriage.

"This won't last at all."

"Look at her posture, she hates this man."

"She passed up so many men that would have loved her more."

"What about that Edward Masen boy. They were so in love. I don't think they even knew it."

All the ladies nodded to each other. I closed my eyes and wished for the days when I could cry. It would have helped with the pain that as coursing through me at all the whispers.

Jacob repeated the lines of the priest. The priest then looked to Bella. She bit her lip and I groaned. I always loved it when she did that. She looked frantically from the whispering crowd, to her mother, to Jacob. Her eyes flashed in hesitation and confusion. I gripped the brick under my hand tightly, waiting anxiously, and wishing once again that I could hear what she was thinking.

She sighed and looked down, not meeting anyone's eyes. "I'm sorry Jacob," she whispered. "I just can't do this. I can't pretend like I am right now for my entire life." No one else but Jacob, the priest, and I could hear her speech. The crowd was whispering conspiratorially amongst themselves, hoping Bella makes a good choice. "I can't pretend I love you when you and I both know I can't."

"Edward," he whispered back. She nodded, tears falling out of her eyes. My chest clenched in hope.

"I'm sorry. He was everything to me. I can't just replace someone like him." I closed my eyes and let out a dry sob. She thought I was died, gone forever. Why can't I just show my face to her once, to ease her pain, to ease _my_ pain as well, for hers was mine.

She kissed his cheek and smiled; a real, very sad smile; and walked down the aisle quickly. Renee shouted out for her to stop, but she kept going. And I followed out the side door right after, smiling to myself. _She still loves me.

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_

I had followed Bella all the way to her house to make sure she got there okay, but I left as she changed out of her dress, sobbing my name. I couldn't stay to listen or all my self control would be destroyed and I would right to her, taking her in my arms whispering that I was here, that she's okay.

I walked down the empty, dark streets once again. I knew I had to leave soon. Bella was safe, I had seen her and heard her. But, she was broken and sad. And it was my entire fault. If I had never gotten sick…If I had just fought harder…

I shook my head and kept walking. It had been four hours since I had last seen Bella. It was the late hours of night and everyone in the city was asleep. I walked in the opposite direction of her house, my logical side trying to convince my irrational side to leave. So far it wasn't working.

I walked a little while longer until I heard the lingering thoughts of some man on the streets. I stopped and listened hard. He was just on the edge of my limit and was thinking some very sick thoughts. I saw the dark outline of some girl passing by an alleyway through his head. He was prowling her. I snarled and turned around sharply ready to follow him.

I jumped and ran as I saw, in his head, his lightening fast reflexes jump out and grab the girl. She screamed and I ran faster. It was Bella. I know that voice anywhere. And a vampire had her.

I pushed my legs harder. I turned sharply into the alleyway and saw them. He had her by the neck and was about to tilt his head closer.

"You smell absolutely mouthwatering," he said in her ear before I slammed into him. He dropped Bella and flew into the wall at the end of the alley, growling at me. I snarled right back and ripped at his throat. He deflected it easily and shoved me back away from him. I jumped right back on him and pushed him to the ground pounding on him with my fists for all I was worth.

I used my newborn strength to my advantage, but he still had more cunning then I did. I shoved and pushed and slid out of my grasp easily. I ran fast to Bella as she lay gasping on the ground and picked her up again. He grabbed her by the neck harder this time, cutting off her air supply, slowly and surely.

"This one is mine," he growled. "Go find your own." He slid his nose along her jaw line. I lost all since of reasoning and snarled, bending down into a low crouch. Right before I was about to pounce for him I heard I a tiny whimper choke its way out of Bella's throat.

"Edward?" she squeaked. I looked up sharply at her face. Her eyes were wide as she stared at me. And that's when he did it. He sliced her neck with his nails, hitting her right on her vein. She slumped forward in his arms in a gurgle of pain.

I screamed and ran at him, losing all control completely. I ran at the creature, slamming him to the ground and ripping at any body part that I could. All I could see was red as I slashed at his face and arms. Soon the body underneath me stopped moving and I looked down.

I shuddered and got up. The creature was in pieces. I stood up, shaking as I returned to reality. That was the first man- vampire I have ever killed.

And that's when I smelt it. The most delicious sent in the entire world. I looked behind me and saw her. She was lying on the ground bleeding to death, but that's not what my brain processed. The scent was so alluring, so delicious, like freesias. I couldn't stop the pooling of venom in my mouth. It practically dripped out of it. All I could see was her red pulsing blood from her neck and all I could hear was her slow-beating heart.

I knelt down beside her body and stroked her blood soaked hair away from her neck. I lifted my fingers and brought them to my nose.

_Ahh…it smelled even better._ I brushed the blood on my fingers against her arm.

I hear a whimper and my head snapped up, a ferocious- animalistic- growl building in my throat. But then I heard it again. It came from next to me. I looked down and saw Bella's lips trying to move. "Edward…" she mumbled brokenly.

All reason suddenly came back to me. _Oh my God. Bella. My Bella. What have I done?!_

I wiped the blood off my hand and tried so hard to ignore the burning pain and pooling venom in my throat. Bella was dying, and once again it would be my fault!

I grabbed her gently and cradle her in my arms. "Bella," I dry sobbed. "God, Bella please. Please wake up. Please. I need you. I can't go on living countless centuries knowing you died because of me. Please. Please Bella."

I rocked her in my arms as I dry sobbed, trying desperately to get her to wake up and thinking of a way to save her.

I couldn't take her to a hospital now. There was no time. Her heart beats were slowing more and more every beat. I thought hard. I tried to imagine what Carlisle would do…he's a doctor…how would he save someone without any time for human medical knowledge…?

Carlisle! That's it!

I pressed my lips to Bella's forehead and tried desperately to push back the ferocious mountain lion in the back of my mind trying to claw its way to the blood. "Bella, please forgive me for what I'm about to do…" I smoothed back her hair from her neck again and leaned closer.

"Bella please. I need you alive. I need you with me. And if this is what it takes then…please forgive me for changing you into a monster. I love you…"

I leaned down a pressed my lips to her bloody neck. I opened my mouth and a rush of venom pooled out. My teeth brushed over her wound and the slowly sunk in to her flesh…

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**The Longest Author's Note I Will Ever Write:**

**It deserves a theme song, it will be so epic. "Author's note/Author's note/so unbelievably long and important/Author's note/Author's note/Please. Read. Now!**

**That was genius.**

**Anyways, I'm so so so so so very sorry that I haven't updated in about four months. Thanks to MakaylaCullenIWish for reminding me and still sending me a review.  
This is the longest story I have ever truly tried to keep up with and I was just looking at my reviews yesterday while writing this and I almost cried at the amount of reviews and pressures to write I had. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Never stop pressuring me. You guys are all awesome! 3**

**So for my excuses: Life has been hectic. That's no excuse I know. But I wrote half of this chapter in the car in my notebook on the way to some random little out-of-the-way town in Wisconsin on the Mississippi river. Let me tell you...Bad experiences. Let's just say that we forgot to turn off the lights one night and close the windows...if you have ever been on the Mississippi, you will know what I'm talking about. Long story short, this chapter brought back bad memories and I forgot all about it until yesterday when MakaylaCullenIWish reviewed me. And anyone else who reviewed me before her, don't worry, you helped me finish this chapter too. I remember all of you guys!**

**So here's the chapter. Sorry for the Cliffhanger, but it will all be resolved by the weekend. I just got a job and I'm working Friday and Saturday, but rest assured it will be up by Sunday. **

**The song today was Cath... By Death Cab for Cutie. And yes the ... is supposed to be there. Weird I know. But also awesome. I love Death Cab if you can't tell.**

**Oh you better all love me for this vvvvv XD Thanks for sticking with me. Here's your reward!  
**

**A little segment of next chapter: Song is Wake Up by Coheed and Cambria next chapter.  
**

"Edward?" My head snapped up. Bella had opened her eyes and was now staring straight at me. "You're supposed to be dead," she whispered, wide-eyed. "Oh God. Oh no. I've died too!" She groaned. "I just destroyed Renee's dreams for me too. Doesn't matter." She looked at me with renewed, bright eyes. "You're here, and if this is the result of my death, I would die a hundred times again." She smiled and brushed my cheek with the hand I held. "I love you."


	7. Wake Up

**A/N: Oh my god you guys must hate me. I own nothing.  
Song: Wake Up by Coheed and Cambria.

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Chapter 7- Wake Up

Edward's POV

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The blood called to me so strongly. The venom pooled in my mouth and the starving, black creature inside of me beat to be released. Freesia surrounded me like a heavy cloud. The air was so saturated with the scent of her blood that it felt like I was literally breathing the blood in.

A low growl started at the base of my throat. Bella let out a low whimper and the last dreg of humanity in me was awakened choking off the growl before it erupted. I shook my head and forced myself to think clearly.

To me it looked like I had two options.

One: I could bite her. Right here and now. Then, while she was changing, I could run her back to Carlisle and he could help us. I shuddered at that thought. There was no way I could stop once I started. I could not kill Bella.

Two: I could stop the bleeding as much as possible, hoping to whatever higher being there is out there that she doesn't die. I'll run her back to Carlisle, never stopping. It would only take me three hours to get back to our cabin. If she- if something…if Bella is in worse shape than now I will have Carlisle decide what to do.

I couldn't do that to Bella. I couldn't make her into a monster.

I ripped part of my shirt and tied up her wound as best as I could. And gathering her up in my arms with my hand held tightly to her neck to stop the bleeding, I took off into a run.

Option two it was. Carlisle will know what to do.

* * *

When I got back to Carlisle I had almost lost it. The blood was so close to me and so tempting. I had to keep looking at Bella's face, reminding myself who is in my arms and how I'm going to save her.

Carlisle took her from me without any questions and brought her to my bedroom. I made sure Carlisle had it all under control before I left the house. I needed clean air and to hunt. I hadn't hunted in so many days. I knew it could be easier when I got back.

I stood in the middle of the forest and lifted my nose to the breeze. I let myself go to the senses around me.

A few dear later and I heard Carlisle calling my name.

"She's sleeping. She's okay," he said when I got back. I nodded and walked past him to my room. _Your control was amazing Edward. I'm proud of you. This is Bella?_

I nodded again.

_I'm not going to ask what happened, but when you're ready to talk I'm here._

I smiled and left without a word. I just wanted to get back to Bella.

* * *

"Edward?" My head snapped up. Bella had opened her eyes and was now staring straight at me. "You're supposed to be dead," she whispered, wide-eyed. "Oh God. Oh no. I've died too!" She groaned. "I just destroyed Renee's dreams for me too. Doesn't matter." She looked at me with renewed, bright eyes. "You're here, and if this is the result of my death, I would die a hundred times again." She smiled and brushed my cheek with the hand I held. "I love you."

"I love you," I whispered. It was all I could get out.

* * *

**A/N: Okay, so I think we all know that I suck at keeping promises. But here's the next chapter. It's really short and I have a reason for that.**

**I'm working on a book right now. Like a for realsies real book that I want sent to a publisher by the time I graduate high school in 2010. I'm giving myself a deadline 'cause you all know how I am about getting things out on time.**

**So I've been working on that and I really just want to get that book done so I rushed this one. I'm still looking for a Beta though. I've offered the job to a few and they haven't responded yet so the job is still open if any of you guys want it. I'm not asking much, just a second opinion. I'm pretty decent with grammar so you won't have to deal with much of that.**

**Anyways, this chapter goes to RLNTonks who (once again) helped me to decide what to do with Bella. If you guys are confused with what's going on then PM and I'll explain. I know it's all kinda vague.**


	8. CreepThe Best of Me

**A/N: Disclaimer: As always, I own nothing. But, I did have a dream last night that I was Bella and Alice took me shopping. And Edward didn't save me from it. So that tells you something about what I own.**

**Songs: Creep by Radiohead (first half)  
The Best of Me by The Starting Line (Second)

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Chapter 8 - Creep. The Best of Me.

Edward's POV

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Her hand gripped my cold one tightly. She thought she was dead? No, not dead. But so fucking close. If I had gotten her to Carlisle a second late…

I squeezed my eyes tightly shut. How could she smile at me like that?

"So cold…" she murmured so quietly _I _could barely hear it. "Edward?"

I shook my head slightly. I had to tell her. She had to know what I was so she knows why she has to leave. Her blood still hung fresh in the air, so tempting behind her little white bandage around her neck and on her arm. I swallowed back the acidic venom pooling in my mouth.

Carlisle hadn't been forced to change her, thank whatever god was out there. But I wasn't taking any chances with that. I wasn't going to put her in danger and threaten her life.

"Edward?" her voice had a nervous edge to it and her hand loosened its grip on mine. "Edward? Where are we?"

"You're not dead, Bella," I said, slowly opening my eyes. "You're alive and healthy. Thanks to Carlisle."

Breath hissed through her lips sharply. She looked scared, nervous, and happy. I'm sure all the same emotions that were written on my face. "Carlisle? He disappeared after the Influenza."

I nodded. It was true Carlisle stayed in Chicago as short as possible to make it look less suspicious. He couldn't just up and leave right after I died in his hospital bed. He was depended on too. But, taking care of a newborn vampire and a job some hours away was harder than it seemed.

"Is…Carlisle…He's dead too?" she whispered, her voice unsteady, unsure.

Frustration flashed in my eyes. "Bella, damn it, you haven't died!"

She recoiled slightly at the edge in my voice and I instantly felt guilty for making her scared of me. That's most certainly the last thing I wanted. It's hard to keep my emotions in check. My newborn brain only has so much room. But maybe it would convince her more to leave, as much as that pained me. But every time she thought she was dead was just another reminder of what I was and how she needs to leave me…again.

"But…I have to be," she whispered. "Carlisle told me to leave, the nurse came out to me, I saw you…they wheeled you out …to the…_morgue_." She shuddered and a few tears escaped.

Instantly, without even thinking, my hand shot up and gently brushed them away. Bella gasped and her eyes wide, her head shifted a fraction away from me instinctively. My hand pulled back with lightening speed. Her hand replaced mine on her face. She stared at me wide- eyed.

"Sorry…" I mumbled. _Monster. Terrible monster. Creep._ I swallowed against the venom again.

"No, it's okay." She looked at me with caution and slowly grabbed my hand, bringing it back up. She pulled it up so it rested on her cheek again. She leaned forward in bed and nuzzled her face into my stone- hard hand. She sighed and her eyes closed.

I could hear her inhale deeply as her nose brushed against it. She slowly blinked and looked at me. My heart would be pounding if it could. She was so close, so fragile. I could hurt her instantly and yet I couldn't bring my hand away from her. She was soft and _real_. I needed to _feel_ her again. _This_ is exactly what I needed.

"You're so cold," she murmured.

I stiffened and slid my hand gently out of hers, avoiding her gaze. Bella sighed. "Edward…" I still looked away. "How are you here?"

"Are you ready to admit you're not dead?" I asked trying to smile, but it came out more of a grimace. I couldn't help it. She was so close, exactly where I wanted her. But the venom, god, the smell of her blood! It was pungent, so delicious. It hurt so much to be close and to pull away.

"Not quite." She frowned and stared down at her hand that was just in mine. "But maybe your story will convince me."

I snorted quietly. _Yes,_ I thought, _definitely it will. _She looked at me expectantly. I opened my mouth to start, but someone cut me off.

_Edward. You're doing great, but may I come in? This is a complicated matter. You know the rules. Humans must not know about us. I know this is already pointless, but perhaps we could convince her of something else. We could drop her off at Chicago's hospital. She'll think she dreamt this._

"No," I whispered. Bella looked at me confused. I held a finger up to her. "Carlisle, come in. I don't want to lie, damn the consequences. I _need_ her to know the truth."

Carlisle had walked in and stood at my side. Bella sat up straighter in bed and smiled at him. "Carlisle!"

He grinned and nodded at her. "Hello Bella. It's good to see you again."

She grinned back. "It's good to be healed by you again." Carlisle chuckled.

I felt like I was in a daze. They were talking like nothing was amiss. Had she convinced herself that she was dead? That she was crazy with grief? Why was seeing me and Carlisle so easy for her to accept? We're monsters.

Carlisle looked at me and nodded his head slightly. "Edward wants you to know the real story," he began, turning to Bella's confused expression, "but there are consequences to you knowing. We will try our hardest to make sure you are safe before you leave here-"

She twitched in alarm. "Leave? No! No, I can't leave now. Not now. I want-"

"Bella," I said softly, taking her hand. This would be harder than I thought. It killed me even more. She gripped my hand tightly, staring at me wide-eyed.

"No," she whispered.

Carlisle sighed. "Listen to the story Bella. It will make sense. We will figure out your situation afterwards."

Her warm hand loosened marginally. I tried my hardest to swallow against the ache in my throat and keep my hand in hers.

_Your eyes are darker than when you came home, Edward…Shall I begin?_

I nodded.

"To understand, Bella, I'll tell you my history first. It's a very long one. Staring about 200 years before…" Carlisle began his story of how he was a preacher's son. How he led vampire raids in his London. How he was bit and hid, keeping his strength, fighting his thirst. How he learned control and to feed from animals instead of destroying lives. His time with the Volturi, how they are our world's rulers, how they could harm Bella that she now knows of us.

Then, he tells her of me. He tells her of how he bit me to save my life, of how my mother asked him to do _everything in his power to save me._ Her hand grips mine tighter and tighter as the story goes on. Soon she isn't even looking at Carlisle anymore. She stares at me with ceaseless wonder, confusion, and fear.

The fear is minimal, but it hurts me the most.

Carlisle finishes with how she got here, with my comments added in every little while. "So, that, Bella, is why you can't stay here, why I didn't want you to know the truth. Both are a danger to yourself."

"I could hurt you," I told her, "I'm only a newborn. I don't have the same control as Carlisle, and your _blood…"_ I swallow against the venom again. It burns my throat worse than before.

"Vampire…" she whispers. I can't decipher the emotions on her face anymore. She's so unreadable.

_I trust you with whatever decision you make Edward. _Carlisle crept out of the room without Bella noticing. _But I also know this. You've shown remarkable restraint today. She's your singer Edward. And yet you have not killed her. You're stronger than any other vampire I've ever come across. If she stays, I know you won't harm her._

I growled so quietly that Bella couldn't hear me. No. She wouldn't stay. I wouldn't risk it. I hunted this morning. It's a fluke. I wouldn't be able to stand everyday like this. But, god, I want to. I want her close. I want to be able to hold her hand in mine everyday for the rest of her life. I want her warm body always by mine.

"Edward," she said. I turned to face her. "Please, don't make me leave you again. It almost killed me the first time." Tears slipped from her eyes. "I wouldn't make it if you left again."

"Yes you would. You were doing fine Bella. You're human. Memories fade."

"Not you!" She screamed at me, ripping her hand from mine. She gripped her head in her hands and sobbed. "You don't fade! You won't! I need you, Edward. Godammit I need you!"

I jumped slightly. I had never heard her swear before in any context. And her sobs, they cut a hole in my un-beating heart.

I don't belong here. I don't belong with her. Maybe I did once, but not anymore. She had to understand that. I wouldn't put her in this dangerous position.

"Bella, please, I can't hurt you. You have to leave," I said, trying desperately to make her understand.

"That's right you won't hurt me. Look at me now. Look at you. You haven't harmed me in the least." She looked at me through tears. "Please let me stay with you."

"What about Renee? What about Charlie?" I needed something, anything, to make her leave. My resolve was wavering. I wanted her to stay just as much. I need her just as fucking much.

"They already think I'm dead," she whispered. "I was going to be getting married anyways. I wasn't going to be staying with Renee for long. Charlie never comes to visit…"

I stared at the ground and buried my face in my hands. "Jesus, Bella..."

"What are you thinking?" she whispered. I heard her get up and saw the bottom of her dirtied skirt standing in front of me.

I could feel myself letting go, I could feel myself giving into temptation.

_Carlisle, you better be up for this, 'cause I am going to need every help I can get._

"I'm thinking what it will be like to have you in my arms every day." I lifted my head up and stood in front of her. She gasped and smile grew on her face.

"I love you!" she said. Bella jumped into my arms and I held her gently against me, always conscious of how fragile she is.

I buried my face in her hair and inhaled her freesia scent. The room spun, but I held my ground. "I love you too. Forever."

She sighed blissfully.

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**A/N: Just to let you guys know. I tried to get this up earlier, but fricken fanfic had another glitch, of course in the worse spot: the login. I try so hard…**

**Anyways. This chapter has two of my favorite songs ever! Woo! I kinda hate this chapter, but I'll leave you to your own opinions. **

**Yeah, I should never make you guys promises ever again. I just won't keep them and I hate that about myself. So let's just say this, I'll get the next chapter (which will be fluff-tastic!) as soon as life gives me a free moment and the inspiration. **

**In other news: I had a splendid dream last night about Edward Cullen and sorta-kinda the Golden Compass. Then my friends woke me up…I was ticked.**

**In more important news: ever heard of the song Zak and Sara by Ben Folds? I'm going to write an Alice and Jasper short (possibly) five-shot to it. It's a very good song. You should check it out before you read the story. I know ambitious of me right? I have a lot of time today…**

**Review please, tell me what you think of whatever you want and I'll respond, answer questions and get you chapters as soon as possible. I actually just discovered that I'm ahead in writing so woo!**

**--LT  
**


	9. Brand New Colony

**AN: I think I promised Bella's POV, but I just couldn't do it. I've been having issues with her lately…  
I own nothing. As always. Flashbacks are italicized.

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Chapter 9 – Brand New Colony.

Edward's POV

It's been four years since Bella came to live with Carlisle and I permanently. We live in Ashland, Wisconsin now, with Esme. But we'll have to move soon. Someone will notice her missing. She'll have to leave behind everyone she ever knew…

I don't know how Bella did it. How she left everyone, her entire life…all for me. We didn't have to fake her death. If anyone she knew passed her by she would still be human, but we had to make it look like she ran away from her mother, trying to live on her own now.

In these days, it makes her look like a common…whore. Bella left behind her mother and her life and her…dignity just so she could stay forever with me. I couldn't love her more than I do now, but I couldn't hate myself more for allowing it. She had me wrapped around her little finger.

Of course it wasn't all love and games here. We've had some hard times in the past couple of years. I'm still just a newborn compared to Carlisle. My control is not nearly as good. Add Bella to the mix, the one person's blood that smells like nothing else in this world…

I've never actually harmed her before, but there were some close calls.

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_I was reading with Bella in Carlisle's library. We were in Ashland, Wisconsin now, we had just moved. _

_Bella sat on one end of the couch, reading her historical novels. I sat on the other, studying to help Carlisle in the hospital so I can build up my control. However, concentrating was becoming increasingly harder._

_She sat too far away from me, but we couldn't be any closer. Even now we were pushing it. I had just come back from hunting and will have to go back tonight to curb my thirst. I just wanted her with me. I just wanted to be able to hold her like a normal person, act like a normal couple. And yet the only thing I could do was give her a short hug after hunting. Anything else and I would fear hurting her._

_It was frustrating beyond belief, her sitting so far away, smiling up at me every once in a while, not the least bothered by how far away we are from each other._

"_You okay, Edward?"_

_I looked over to see her looking concerned at me. I breathed in her scent deeply and swallowed back the venom pooling in my mouth. I nodded mutely. She shook her head, but went back to her book._

_**Are you really okay, Edward?**__ Carlisle's "voice" came into my mind. _

"_Yes, Carlisle," I responded out loud._

_Bella looked up and grinned. She was always amused by our one-sided conversations. I smiled back at her._

_And then it happened. My world slowed down to a crawl and I saw every move in absolute clarity. Her hand slid across the page as her she began to look back down at the book, ready to start a new page. The hand slid to the edge of the book, brushed down to grip a corner…_

_Her hand flinched back to her chest, a hiss of breath escaped from her lips. A plume of scent came from her open skin and wafted towards me. A bubble of blood appeared on her finger tip and in the span of one second that all this happened – I was in the air, pinning her down on the floor._

_Carlisle appeared at the door as I growled deep in my throat. Bella stared up at me in shock, her finger still clutched to her chest._

_**Edward. Edward, think about what you are doing.**__ I hissed at Carlisle and turned back to the beautiful scent below. All I saw was red, red blood. "EDWARD!" he yelled._

"_Edward?" Bella's voice drifted through my ear and for a millisecond I stopped and thought. This is BELLA. My beautiful Bella. The one I love with all my being._

_But then another plume of scent drifted up towards me._

"_Edward. It's Bella. Please. You'll hate yourself for this…"_

_I ignored the voice, and gripped her wrist. A whimper came from her throat, but the monster inside me shook out any rational thought. _

"_Edward, I love you."_

_That did it. Those four words made me stop and really see. Bella. My Bella. My love. The monster roared in protest, but I used every part of my being to push it back. I could never hurt Bella…_

"_Edward, please. Let go…"_

_**Edward you are hurting Bella.**_

_I looked down and saw my hand crushing her tiny wrist, more blood spilling from her finger. The monster roared feebly. I closed my eyes and pushed it back. Carlisle came over to me and pushed me back. My hand slowly let go of her wrist. She held it to her chest and crawled behind Carlisle._

_That look, the look of fear on her face. For __**me. **__ It was something I promised myself I would never see again.

* * *

_

"Edward, dear?" I shook myself out of my thoughts. Esme waited for me patiently by the log I sat on. "Are you already to go?" I nodded and stood up to follow her.

Esme had only recently joined are family. Carlisle saved her from death after she jumped off the cliff. I didn't trust her at first. How could I? Bella was here, a human with two newborns? Especially one just changed?

I kept Bella away from Esme. It was hard in such a small house, but Bella remained unharmed. She thought I was being ridiculous, but after what I almost did to her?

Bella did stumble upon Esme at one point. I heard Esme's thoughts and came running instantly. But Esme proved amazing control. She apologized about not shaking Bella's hand but was delighted to meet her. Bella laughed happily and promised it would happen one day soon. Bella then took my hand and let me lead her away, commenting to Esme how paranoid I am. From then on, Esme and Bella had been very close. Esme learned of what happened to Bella and instantly took to being her replacement mother. Bella took to her instantly.

We came insight of the house and I sped up, passing Esme quickly. Already I could see Bella up ahead, waiting in the doorway. Carlisle was at the hospital for his last day and she always gets so bored at home by herself.

"Edward!" She came outside to meet me on the steps. I stopped instantly in front of her and scooped her up into my arms gently. Her human warmth spread all across me. She laughed in my ear and kissed my cheek. I had conceded to her wishes a while ago, letting us have more contact than before. Carlisle encouraged me too. He said he has never seen better control.

* * *

Carlisle came home not too later and told us to get packing. We are leaving tomorrow for Winner, South Dakota.

Bella and I left for her room to pack her stuff. I sat on her bed as she got her bag and packed her clothes. I laughed quietly.

Bella looked up from her drawers. "What?"

I put a finger to my lips and gestured for her to come over, still chuckling. She sat next to me on the bed, another accomplishment for my control. She could finally sit near me at least.

I whispered almost silently in my ear so no one else would hear. "Once we get to Winner, Carlisle is going to call a priest."

Bella gave me a weird look. "I can see how that is ironic…but _why_?"

"To marry him and Esme," I whispered.

Bella laughed and clapped her hands. "That's so great! I can't wait to get there." She jumped off the bed and started packing furiously, running all around the room almost as fast as me.

**Edward…get out of my head.**

I chuckled. "Sorry, Carlisle." Bella looked up and laughed harder.

I could see in Carlisle's mind and thoughts, his love for Esme as she sewed his old shirt and hummed quietly to herself.

I grabbed Bella from the middle of the room and set her on the bed next to me, burying myself in her hair and breathing in her scent. She wrapped her arms around my waist and melted into my side.

There was only one reason for existing now. And it was everyone in this house, my adopted family.

* * *

**A/N: So thanks to Mirkwood(something or other) ((BTW, Mirkwood? Nice name!)). She PM'd me and got me writing this chapter. Its summer now! Which means more time for writing! I'm making demands for myself. A chapter a week. Let's see how this goes.**

**I think its tradition now to tell you my twilight dreams every time I have one. This time I dreamt that Bella (me) was attacked by Edward Cullen drunk on cooking sherry. …  
Go on, let it out. I still giggle every time I think of it too. Hehehehehe…. Cooking sherry.**

**Anyways, this chapter the song is Brand New Colony by Postal Service. Ben Gibbard is God.**

**I know it kind of seems fluffy and boring right now, but I just skipped four years. I needed to catch you guys up. And I still have six years until Edward goes out on his own to hunt bad guys. (A chapter I have already written incidentally.) So we will have some more action and changes in Bella to come very soon.**

**Oh yeah, special sneak peak to those who can tell me what is so funny about Winner, South Dakota. (I'll give you a hint. Hank Green)  
**


	10. 14 Candles Car Crash

**A/N: Just so you guys know. I tried to get this out on Saturday like I promised, but then I was informed at just how busy I was. And for the record: I wrote this instead of reading Death Note and Harry Potter. You all owe me reviews!!  
As always, I own nothing.

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Chapter 10 – 14 Candles (Car Crash)

EPOV

Winner, South Dakota was not exactly a winner in my book.

I missed the sprawling cities of Chicago and the dense isolated forests of Ashland, Wisconsin. But towns are good, that is, they should be good for us. People live close with each other here, but not as close as cities. It would help Esme and me with our blood lust.

Or so Carlisle says.

I ask why living with Bella isn't helpful enough, but I always forget that her scent doesn't affect Esme as much as it affects me.

Speaking of which, I hadn't seen Bella in a while. A few days, in fact. She's avoiding me and for reasons I don't know. Her sleep talk gives nothing away and it worries me that I might have unintentionally scared her or hurt her. I know physically I haven't harmed her which frustrates me more. At least then I would know what I did wrong. Its times like these that I wish I read her mind.

Every time we did meet she would find a reason to leave the room. And it baffled me.

Right now I can hear her with Carlisle and Esme downstairs. Esme is teaching her how to sew correctly. I chuckled at the memory of Bella wanting to learn as a child, but Renee didn't know how.

I got up to go downstairs. She wouldn't be able to avoid me if she's listening to Esme. I'll just sit down and read with Carlisle and see what she does.

I got to the first landing and heard Carlisle's thoughts directed at me. _Coming to join us Edward?_ I saw him sitting across from Esme and Bella, doing his hospital paperwork. I stepped off the winding staircase and nodded at him. I sat down on the chair next to him and opened one of Carlisle's old medical books from his time in England.

Bella looked up from her sewing, wary, and tried to give me a smile but it ended up looking more like a grimace.

Esme greeted me. "Hello Edward. Bella is getting very good at this. Not one mistake today."

I nodded at her. "That's great, Esme."

Bella continued to do her work and I continued to read my book. An awkward silence passed.

_Edward..._ Esme started to question in her head, but turned back to Bella again and started to instruct her to fill the silence around us.

_Edward._ This time it was Carlisle. _I've noticed it too… she's avoiding you, Edward. And I don't know why, but I have my suspicions._

I nodded slightly, telling him to continue.

_It's been six years since you've been changed. One can only infer._

My hand tightened on the book cover as he carried on.

_She wants to be changed like the rest of us. She's only afraid to tell you._

"No!" The book cracked under my hard grip and I stood suddenly. My anger blinding me. Never! Not ever would I do that to Bella. I will not allow her to be damned to this life. My hands shook.

"Edward?" Carlisle said, hesitantly. "It's only logical—"

"No! I will not allow it! And I will not allow you or anyone else to do that!" I roared.

"But we are different—" he tried again.

And then the worst thing happened. Just as I yelled "No!" again, a hiss of pain escaped Bella and she quickly pulled the needle out of her finger.

Carlisle rushed Esme out of the house as she held her hand over her nose and mouth.

"Edward, leave," Bella ordered me as she held her wound covered.

"I'm fine, Bella. It's only a little prick." I didn't take one breath.

"No," she whispered, "you're not." And then she uncovered her finger.

I sucked in the last of the clean air and looked away from the blood dripping from her finger. She stood up and took a step closer to me, holding out her hand.

"Edward."

I took a step farther away. _Where was Carlisle?!_

Each step she took closer to me, I reciprocated with a step back.

"Look at it Edward."

One step forward, another step back.

I've hit the wall and she's still moving.

"Breath," she whispered.

I shook my head, refusing to look at her. "Bella, step back. Bella, Please!"

"I want this Edward. I want you. Bite me," she whispered the last part.

Her hand was now on my face. Her bleeding finger was stroking my cheek.

"I will not kill you," I yelled.

"You wouldn't be killing me," she stated quietly, her bleeding finger stroking a long red line from my forehead to my chin. The monster in me roared frantically, begging to get out, clawing at my mind. Venom pooled in my mouth.

"Don't tempt me, Bella!" I yelled as loud as I could. I had no air left to talk.

"No!" She jerked her hand from my face and it hurt me worse than the beast clawing to get the blood staining my cheek. "No, Edward! Don't tempt me! Don't tempt me to walk out of this house and never look back! Because if I can't have you for the rest of eternity then I will have no one at all!

"It's been _six years_, Edward. I'm twenty—three years old and you're still seventeen. I can't take it anymore! I'm dying every day, getting closer and closer to death and you're still young and beautiful as the day I fell in love with you!

"Do you have any idea what that does to me? Seeing your beautiful, young face every day and knowing that I'll still be older than Esme, my mother for all extensive purposes, in just a few years?

"So don't tempt _me_, Edward. Don't tempt me to leave you behind for good because I _need_ you, Edward. I need you to be with me. _Always._"

She was panting. Her hand was trembling fiercely and my brain was screaming to take a reflexive breath into my lungs.

But it was too tempting. It was all too tempting. I could see it so easily: Bella in my arms. Forever. Never to be worried about hurting her. Never too worry when she trips and might be bleeding. To kiss her, actually _kiss her_ and be with her.

But I would not end her life.

"Now is not the time to discuss this, Bella," I said coldly with my last bit of air.

Bella's eyes narrowed into a hard glare, but she backed off slightly.

"Carlisle!" she yelled. He was instantly at her side.

"Yes?"

"Edward has some of my blood on his face. You should get it cleaned up before he becomes too happy with his life," she muttered as she walked away to his home bag.

"I'm happy _now_, Bella," I growled. I finally could breathe as she covered her blood with a bandage from Carlisle's bag.

She took the res t of the bandages and turned to go upstairs. Carlisle poured alcohol onto a cloth and wiped my face clear of the blood, the acidic scent finally destroying Bella's.

"It will happen, Edward. Because I know you. And I know that you will never let me leave," she whispered, disappearing into her room.

I grunted and snatched the cloth away from Carlisle, wiping the last traces of the red stripe myself.

* * *

I sighed and resigned myself to my job ahead. It can't be the white elephant in the room forever, especially since she won't be here forever…

No. that's exactly the kind of thinking that brought me here in the first place. Bella is supposed to live a long, happy life. _Human._

I sighed again and knocked on the door. A faint "come in," came from the other side, like her head was buried under all her pillows. I opened the door and poked my head in. I was right. Her head was buried under all her pillows and she was sprawled on her bed. I stepped inside and shut the door behind me.

"Bella," I said.

She turned over and sat up, staring down at Esme's homemade quilt. "I'm sorry I am acting so childish, Edward."

I rushed over to her side and gripped her hands in mine. "Bella, I'm sorry for being so cold to you. I didn't know how you felt."

She played with the bandage around her finger. "I should have told you sooner," she whispered. Bella looked up at me, holding my hands. "I was too scared. I knew you would act like this. But Edward… I _want_ this. I want to be with you forever."

I shook my head and closed my eyes, forcing myself to keep calm by holding her hands gently in mine. "Bella I will not end your life."

"I'll be older then Esme in just one month! Edward, please. I don't want to grow old with you while you are forever young. I wouldn't be able to handle it. Call me vain, but one can only take some many blows to her self-esteem in her life." She gripped my hands tightly.

"You'll always be beautiful to me, Bella." I lightly pinched the side of her cheek, the skin wrinkling. "See? Still beautiful."

She tried to hide her laugh, but a few giggles escaped. Bella pushed my hand away and sighed. "My birthday is a month away," she said, staring at her bandaged finger again. "I'll give you until then, but if you still refuse to change me…"

I looked at her frustratingly.

"…I'll ask Carlisle to do it for me."

I forced myself to get up and walk away to the other side of the room before I did something rash. Carlisle wouldn't do that… he wouldn't change her when I told him not to…

But then his words came back to me. _It's only logical…but we are different._ He would change her if she asked him too. He wants me to have what he found in Esme, he's always thinking it, I've just always ignored it. I groaned and slid down the wall to the floor. She'll find a way to be changed. She's too stubborn to stay human.

I heard Bella get up and kneel down in front of me. "Edward?" She placed her injured hand on my knee. I flinched back.

"Don't," I told her, "Your scent is still strong and I haven't hunted yet."

She stood and went to sit on the floor against her bed across from me.

I looked up at her as she stared at me calmly across the way, smiling at me when I looked at her. God, she had me wrapped around her little, hurt finger.

"One month. Consider it my birthday present to you," I said staring at her bandage. Her smile got wider and her eyes lit up, but I stopped her before she could say anything. "I'm not doing this because you asked me too," I said, grinning. "I'm doing this because I'm a hormonal, seventeen year old, teenage boy. And I want everything you said earlier."

She jumped up from her spot and ran over to me. I held my breath warily. I could tell my eyes were black as night. Bella knelt down in front of me and brushed my hair back with her uninjured hand. "Thank you," she whispered. And she brought her lips to mine gently. I kissed her back hesitantly, still not breathing. "Breath," she whispered against my lips.

Unconsciously, I did what she said, and breathed in her floral scent. I hugged her closer to me and pulled away. "I really need to hunt now," I croaked.

Bella laughed and got off my lap, going downstairs to talk to Carlisle.

My head fell against the wall and I closed my eyes, breathing in the scent that surrounded her room. I was going to miss her warmth the most…

* * *

_One month later…_

I stared down at the piece of paper she gave me as she sat on my bed. _September 13, 1924._ _I love you, Edward._

"What is this?" I asked her.

"It's a reminder to myself," Bella told me. "Carlisle says I might not remember much of my human memories. I want to remember you. I don't think I could ever forget." She grinned at me and kissed my cheek. "But just incase."

I laughed and folded the note in my pocket. "It's the second thing you will see when you wake up," I said, sitting next to her.

"What's the first?" She snuggled into my side.

"Me, of course."

She pushed me, knowing it wouldn't affect me and laughed.

Carlisle came in then. Esme was gone, hunting in some woods far away so she wouldn't be affected by Bella's blood. "Ready, Bella?"

She nodded and sucked in a huge breath reassuringly. "Yes." No hesitation. I smiled sadly. She laid back on my bed and smiled at me.

I leaned over her and kissed her lightly. I looked back at Carlisle for reassurance. He was to stay the whole time, just incase.

I looked back to Bella and leaned down to whisper in her ear. "Happy Birthday, Bella." I sucked in a huge breath, her scent filling my lungs…and bit down on her neck. "I love you too."

* * *

**A/N: (Mizufairy—you're welcome for writing this story! Lol) Whenever I wrote "don't tempt me" I always said Frodo in my head….lol. God I watch LotR too much…  
I tried okay? My sister is a little b**ch and I got suddenly busy. I know it's been a little over a week, but at least it hasn't been a couple of months right?  
The songs are 14 Candles by Plushgun. Or if you prefer, Car Crash by Matt Nathenson. Plushgun is amazing though. I just saw them last week!  
No Twilight dreams so far…  
Another chapter after this, and then my favorite chapter that I have ever written will be up! I'm excited for you guys to read it. It's called All the Same. Tell me you listened to 14 Candles while reading this chapter in a review and I'll send you a sneak peak of All the Same.  
Yeah, Bella is officially ten years older than Edward…It's just how the story happened. That's not too bad though.**

**Review please!**

**LT**


	11. All The Same

**A/N: I don't own anything, especially the lyrics I use. (Ugh, Bella's POV, bane of my existence, but must happen.) This is the chapter that I have been talking about.  
Please read the author's note at the end. It's Important and it may answer some of your questions.

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Chapter 11 – All the Same

Bella's POV

_Fire coursed through my veins and licked at my neck. But I couldn't make a sound, I couldn't scream out like my reflexes wanted to. Edward was doing this for me against his will. I couldn't let him see how much it actually hurt me._

_The adjustment had been tough, but we have worked through it. When I first awoke after three days of excruciating pain, I was disorientated by all the senses and thoughts swirling in my head. Edward, Carlisle, and Esme have been so helpful. I felt bad for Carlisle. He had to take care of three newborns basically. But, he says it's easier than he expected, since I've had prior knowledge of the change._

_Edward has been slowly getting used to the idea. He still believes he's killed me, but I try to teach him otherwise, show him how good this is for us by…um…actions when we are alone…_

_We've stayed in this town for another year. Carlisle deemed it safe. But Edward…he doesn't seem to like it here. At least…he's acting very strange…_

I stared into those red eyes, disbelievingly. "Edward, what happened?" I raised my hands up slowly and cupped his face gently.

He gripped my wrists tightly and pulled them away. Closing his eyes and breathing deeply he broke my heart. "Bella," he said. His eyes were still closed. "I'm leaving."

I stopped breathing, not that it was necessary. "You're what?" I asked. My voice raised two octaves in my shock. Leaving? How could he be leaving? How could he do this to Carlisle and Esme? To _me?_

Everything he worked for and how he's just throwing it all away. He's killing humans!

"Bella…this life…it's just not working for me." His eyes opened finally, but I looked away. I couldn't look in those blood red eyes anymore. He's never looked more frightening.

"You're leaving me?" I asked softly. If crying was possible for me, I knew I would be sobbing right now.

This time he cupped my face, forcing me to look him in the eyes. "Come with me Bella," Edward said. Hope was shining in his bright red eyes. This time I looked away from them. "I have a plan."

I ripped myself from his hands. "A plan?" I yelled. Edward flinched. "A plan to what? Kill people? Destroy lives? How do you have a plan to do that? That's despicable, monstrous!"

Edward looked down at his shoes. "What does it matter, Bella? We are monsters."

I shook my head. "No, Edward. What we are are people dealt a difficult hand, but we are overcoming it." I glared murderously at him. "What you did…_that_ was monstrous."

He grimaced. "It's what we are Bella." He avoided my gaze again and closed his eyes. "I'm still leaving."

Venom boiled under my skin. I couldn't hold it in anymore. "Fine!" I exploded, screaming. "Leave then! Leave me and your family. Leave everyone that ever cared for you and loved you!"

Edward didn't look at me. He just turned around, grabbed his bag off the bed and headed out of our bedroom door. I followed behind him, screaming silently to myself not to let him go, but I couldn't bring make my mouth obey my brain.

Carlisle and Esme were at the bottom of the staircase, looking sadly up at us. Carlisle's eyes held guilt and even looked ashamed when he gazed up at Edward. Edward ignored them and brushed past to the front door without saying a word. Esme let out a small sob and clutched Carlisle, no doubt both of them heard our entire conversation…fight.

A lump formed in my throat. _Fight._ Edward and I haven't fought since he wanted to go to war, and technically when I wanted to be changed. I let out a tiny sob. Edward flinched and paused in the doorway. I knew I had to say it now or I would never get another chance.

"Edward," I sobbed dryly. "I'll take you for who you are and I love you. It's all the same, whatever path you choose."

He didn't say anything. I could tell he was still, unnecessarily, breathing heavily from our fight. Edward turned around and stared at me with determined eyes. He took four fast, huge strides and dropped his bag. Taking my face in his hands again he pressed his lips to mine hard. He moved them against mine with such urgency. I threw myself into the kiss, wrapping my arms around his neck and clinging to him desperately.

All too soon the kiss ended. Edward unwrapped my arms from around him. And then he was gone, bag in hand, and racing impossibly fast through the trees. Away from us.

I collapsed against the doorframe and sobbed, tearlessly and uncontrollably.

* * *

Hours slid away and days went by, but still Edward never showed. I would sit by the window every day just waiting and hoping for him to come home. Esme was worried at first when I never moved from the couch, nor tore my eyes away from the trees he left through, but soon she joined me. Then it was Carlisle's turn to worry about us. We couldn't move, I couldn't move. And wouldn't, not until I saw Edward's face again. I _needed_ him.

But, I waited patiently. I knew he would come back soon. He had to be hurting just as much as I was.

One day, Carlisle finally convinced us to go hunting. Esme and I grudgingly got up from our seats by the window and went outside to the forest. We promised each other we wouldn't hunt far.

I stopped just outside the tree line. Swallowing whatever feelings were erupting in me I stepped through the same two trees Edward did and ran off to hunt.

Just after finishing my fifth deer and hiding the carcass by a wolf's den with the others, I caught a different scent. It was familiar, sweet, and heady. My face split into a huge smile and feelings of joy erupted in my stomach like butterflies. I spun around quickly and sprinted, following the scent carefully.

I stepped through a small clearing and slowed to a stop. Edward's head snapped to me and I smiled hesitantly. A smile slowly spread across his as well. His eyes were still red, but I cared not a tick. He came back and that's all that mattered.

I rushed into his open arms and squealed so unlike me. I felt Edward's body shaking with laughter and squeeze me closer. Her bent his head down and buried his face in my hair, breathing deeply.

"I've missed you," he murmured.

I smiled and breathed in his sweet scent as well. "I know," I whispered. "Me too."

We rocked in each other's arms, completely at peace.

It was too perfect and so, true to my life, I knew it wasn't going to last. My body grew tense and in response I felt Edward's body stiffen under my grasp. I pulled back and he looked at me curiously, guilty. Esme burst through the trees into the clearing. She has caught onto his scent too then. She flinched from his red eyes and in response to whatever she thought in her head, he looked away.

I stepped farther away from him. He looked pleadingly at me. "Bella," he whispered.

I shook my head and cut him off. "Go ahead. Say it." I whispered. "You're leaving! Fine. You'll just come back running." I shook my head and grabbed Esme's hand. "Edward," Esme said. He didn't say anything he just looked down and nodded.

"It's all the same," I whispered. We turned around to run home. I glanced back one more time to look at him. Edward's eyes were filled with love looking into mine and I knew I looked the same. But I also knew he wasn't staying.

_Wrong or right, black or white. If I close my eyes, it's all the same.

* * *

_

Months passed and our lives went on. Esme and I made an unspoken agreement to not tell Carlisle of our run in with Edward. I had showered quickly to lose his scent. That was the hardest part. I stood just outside the shower, inhaling the air around me just to take it in as much as I could before I forced myself under the water.

It was hard and painful for all of us.

Esme and me especially, but I couldn't even fathom what it did to Carlisle. Edward had been the son he always wanted and now that son had betrayed him.

It had only been months since our last meeting, but it felt like years.

I looked up at Carlisle and Esme as they walked into our-my- room. If they could cry I'm sure they would have been. I instantly became worried. What could make them look like this? what if something happened to—No!

"What happened?" I demanded urgently.

Carlisle shook his head calmly. "Nothing happened, Bella. But, we do need to tell you something."

I relaxed only slightly.

"What is it?" I asked impatiently.

Carlisle sighed. "It's time we moved on from this town."

"No," I said instantly. "We have to wait. We must!" We couldn't leave. How would Edward find us?

"I'm sorry Bella. We are already pushing it." Carlisle came and sat next to me while Esme stood off to the side silently. I assume the fight was out of her. She could not possibly agree to this!

"Only a few more months, Carlisle. Please," I added desperately. I looked at Esme pleadingly. "Esme…"

She looked away from my eyes. "Carlisle is right, Bella. We are pushing it."

I was in disbelief. Esme _always_ agreed with me, especially concerning Edward. "Mom?" I whispered.

Esme ran out of the room.

"I'm sorry Bella," Carlisle said, getting up to follow Esme. "We leave tomorrow." He kissed my forehead and walked out.

* * *

Another month passed in our new house in Rochester, New York. I can't possibly express how I hate it here. The people here are despicable, especially that Rosalie Hale and Royce King. And also…Edward wouldn't know where to find us.

Esme and I were giving Carlisle, unfairly, a hard time because of the mood, but we just couldn't help our gloom.

Carlisle was up in his office with Esme. I was downstairs reading, so when the door surprisingly knocked for the first time I jumped and fell off the couch.

"Ow," I groaned more as a response for falling than for actual pain. In all actuality there was none.

I got up and brushed myself off. Esme and Carlisle were at the top of the staircase looking at me in amusement and the door in curiousity.

"Um. I'll get it?" I said, but it came out sounding like a question. Neither of them moved.

I opened the door and froze. Staring at me sheepishly with topaz eyes was Edward Anthony Masen Cullen. Neither of us said anything. We just took each other in silently.

"Bella dear? Who is it?" Esme called from upstairs.

"I don't expect you to take me back," Edward started, shaken out of his reverie by Esme. Up the stairs Esme and Carlisle gasped at his voice. "Just give me a second chance Bella. I love you."

I didn't say anything. I threw my arms around his neck and pressed my lips firmly against his. Edward reacted right away, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me flush against him. He moved his lips in sync with me.

This time the kiss was urgent or desperate. It was pure and simple and full of love.

We pulled away, gasping for unneeded air. He took his hand from my waist and stroked my cheek.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"It's all the same," I said.

He smiled and leaned down to kiss me again.

* * *

**A/N: Okay so I got say two reviews last chapter…Thanks to those two, you know who you are.  
And frankly, it wasn't very motivating, only getting two. That was a really good chapter in my opinion! But whatever, to each their own. I'm sorry if some of you didn't like how the story went, but it's how it fell into place in my head. And when I write I like letting the chips fall, fall where they may!  
Please more reviews. I'm very excited about this chapter. I wrote it so long ago and am glad its finally going up. I'm leaving for Florida on the 14****th**** and will be back on the 22****nd****. Which is why I'm giving you all this very long chapter. I'll have internet access though, so I will take time out of my busy Harry Potter seeing, Disney World visiting schedule to reply to reviews like I like to do.**

**Thanks for staying with me! Review please! It's very motivating.**

**Song is by Sick Puppies. (look for it on youtube, it will be with a free hugs video). Very moving song.**

**LT.**


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